I'm not sure how I feel about that at the moment.
The police charged me with hummus-cide
The bartender nods and starts pouring 7 glasses of wiskey. As soon as the first glass is ready the man starts chugging, one glass after another. The bartender, dumbfounded, asks the man: 'Why are you drinking so fast?' The man awnsers: 'well, you would do the same as me, if you had what I have,' while chugging the last glass of wiskey. 'So, what is it that you have?' asks the bartender. The man: 'not a single penny'
The barman says "Why the long farce?"
Anna One, Anna Two
One goldfish looks at the other and says: "Hey man, how the hell do you drive this thing?"
A bad joke timing
and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.
On Tatooine you can find Mos Eisley. On Hoth you’ll find ice mostly.
Shit, I meant to post this somewhere else.
A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word “definitely” to them.
To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isnt entirely correct, because sometimes its gray and cloudy". Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either." Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him and said "No…But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion." So the student replies, "Then I definitely shit my pants."
They fired me after taking a day off
Clerk responds, "No problem, sir. This room is called 'The Lobby'"
but it's been a week already and I keep getting hungrier and hungrier.
They're always up to something.
Best dam movie I've ever seen.
STARTLED, BRYAN GASPS ,, "FREDDIE, I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD?" TO WHICH FREDDIE REPLIES "I WAS BUT I WAS BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE BY A VOODOO PRIEST" "VOODOO?", BRYAN ASKS,"WHATS VOODOO?" "WELL BRYAN", FREDDY SAYS, "ITS A KIND OF MAGIC!"
Mostly because his name is Steve…