Let’s keep asking questions…
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
No text found
Do you know why women fart after they pee?
They can't shake it so they need to blow dry.
What do you call an atheist business?
A non-prophet organization.
I had to get a loan to pay for an Exorcism
They said if i didn't pay it back on time i'd be repossessed
me trying to hide my feelings for her..
Umbrellas = Slavery
Boomer Humour strikes again
Comp Sci class be like
ISO Halloween Jokes
Why are redneck murders the hardest to solve?
All the DNA matches and there's no dental records.
Hey officer, how did the hackers escape ?
I don't know, they just ransomware.
This lie hurts the most
Why did Pluto have such a terrible vacation?
Because he didn’t planet well.
Why do melons have to plan their weddings?
They cant Elope…
Very. Stable. Genius.
I like using zoom for immunology, because I can make things like this during class.
Hard to reproduce bugs
Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar
You can't tell me that's just a coincidence.
who wrote this shite?
Where are all the dad jokes stored?
At the dadabase.
They’ll never take our guns!
Trump photos not to share
Twitter boomer shared this gem.
“How much to buy a singing ensemble?”
PRODUCER: You mean a choir? “Fine, how much to acquire a singing ensemble?”
Both from a metaphorical and historical POV
Job Title: Professional Googler.
Whoever wrote this textbook is a genius
Did you hear the meh French woodworking tourism slogan?
Come see, come saw
My dad asked me the other day: “Are you even listening to me?”
Which is a really weird way to start a conversation if you ask me.
Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He’d have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community…
If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave. The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate. On the chosen day, the Pope and the Rabbi sat opposite each other. The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. The Rabbi looked back and raised one finger. Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. The Rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. The Rabbi pulled out an apple. With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the Rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy! Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. Finally, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He bested me at every move and I could not continue!" Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the Rabbi how he had won. "I don't have a clue!!!" the Rabbi said. "First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews, so I told him that we were staying right here." "And then what?" asked a woman. "Who knows!!" said the Rabbi. "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine!"
Grandma too sweet
Was watching one of Andrew Dotson’s videos and saw this gem
“Sorry boss, I won’t be coming in today for the big meeting,” I told my manager.
"Why's that?" he asked. I said, "Yes, very wise.'
Today I wished my dad a Happy Father’s Day.
His response: “Thanks son. I couldn’t have done it without you!” Happy Father’s Day!!
I recreated a Discord bot that I saw here a few weeks ago
3 years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf
I haven’t heard from him since
A man with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach, thinking deeply about his life.
As he lays there, unable to move, he thinks about all the rejection he has faced. Countless women, scared off by his grotesque appearance, have avoided all contact with him. Never been kissed, never been loved. As he reflects on his sad, lonely existence, a beautiful, busty young lady, in a very skimpy bikini, is walking past. She sees him – a small, limbless blob – out the corner of her eye. He gives her a smile and she smiles back. And then, she starts walking over to him! As she approaches he thinks to himself – “maybe this is it!” She gets nearer and nearer, her smile growing with each step until she is right next to him. She leans down, gives him a big kiss on the cheek, and whispers in his ear: “Have you ever been fucked?” Excitedly, the man responds “no!” The woman replies “well you’re fucked now, mate. The tide’s coming in.”
It’s the effort that counts right?
The Lynching of The Orange-Man
Can we get a Mulligan?
Tap this for a little known fact!
This should work
We’re gonna need these.
The Old Normal
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition
Why is the plane on r/woooosh?
Because it flew over your head.
My friend changed his name from William to Lawrence
That’s how a Bill becomes a Law.
websites be like
Ha ha,, funny redneck man
I met a man named Jim Apple the other day.
He has trouble introducing himself in France.
0 vs Null
Sad Chernobyl Noises
A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist, Linda, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.
Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. So one of the ladies approached Linda very discreetly about the problem, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on her nipples and over her breasts. This should cause them to shrink in size, but warned her not to taste any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up, and you won’t be able to talk properly for a while. The voluptuous organist reluctantly agreed to try it. The following Sunday morning the minister walked up to the pulpit and said, “Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday”
Excuse me, what are you doing?
I am dead inside
Pinterest has quite a lot of these….
Have you seen my bank statement, though?
Minds is such a wonderful app.
A young cowboy, sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West. The cowboy walked over to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his great ambition to be a great gunfighter. "Could you give me some tips?" he asked. The old man said, "Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high — tie the holster a little lower down on your leg." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" "Sure will." The young man did as he was told, then stood up, whipped out his .44, and shot the bow tie off the piano player. "That's terrific!" exclaimed the cowboy. "Got any more tips?" "Yep," said the old man. "Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it — that'll give you a smoother draw." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man. "You bet it will," said the old-timer. The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cuff link off the piano player. "Wow!" said the cowboy excitedly, "I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?" The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. "See that can of axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it." The young man smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun. "No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, the handle, and all." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the puzzled young man. "No," said the old-timer, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt near as much."
A grape wakes up in an Australian hospital
A grape wakes up in an Australian hospital, and asks, "Did you bring me here to die?" The nurse replies, "Nah mate, we brought you here yesterday."
An easy fix for your problems
My dad just got a tattoo of a Thermos on his palm…
Now whenever someone tries to shake his hand he says "Don't you dare touch my thermos tat!"
The coronavirus is a lot like a kinky sex life:
I don't mind having it, but I'm scared my parents have it too.
I’m addicted to ordering hatchets from other countries because of the smell.
I love foreign axe scents.