f(f(f(f(f(f(x)))))
My teachers said I couldn’t do poetry because of my dyslexia..
But so far I’ve made two bowls and a vase.
Did you hear about what happened to the guy from the keyboard factory?
He was fired for not putting in enough Shifts.
The Coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury. Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam! He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot! Coach said to himself, “I got to have this guy. He’s got the best arm I’ve ever seen!” He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl. The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom. “Mother,” he yells over the phone, “We just won the Super Bowl!” “Don’t talk to me,” the woman says. “You abandoned us. You can’t be my son.” The young Iraqi begs, “Mom, you don’t understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!” “I don’t care,” his mother snaps. “Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped.” Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit.
My wife said she wants a divorce because I play too many video games.
What a stupid thing to Fallout 4
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck..
and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced, he decides to grant them one wish each before they enter paradise. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps his fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous, too." Another snap of his fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his ass off. Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy calms down and says: "Make 'em all ugly again."
If you see a robbery at an Apple Store.
does that make you an iWitness?
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
So he isn’t spotted
[NSFW] What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
Glrhrglelgrglugr
a skelepun
so, being a fan of Undertale, i know a skeleton of skelepuns. lemme tell ya, they’re all rib ticklers.
I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.
It’s all about raisin awareness.
Which body part dies last ?
The eyes, because they dilate.
How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach?
It’s not hard
The local drug dealer in town started dressing as a Jehovah’s Witness so as not to arouse suspicion.
He was arrested when cops saw people actually letting him in.
I threw an iPhone into a lake the other day
It's still syncing
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work…
We were able to lift his coffin.
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back… The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help. A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny. As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?” “No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
They say you are what you eat.
Well, today I bought some ready to eat chicken, and sure enough, when I got home I was ready to eat chicken.
Boy: Hey wanna see a movie with me tonight?
Girl: I have a boyfriend. Boy: and i have a math test tomorrow. Girl: What does that have to do with anything? Boy: I thought we were listing things we were going to cheat on.
I hope Death is a woman
That way it will never come for me
Can we uninstall 2020 and install it again?
This version has a virus.
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you're prepared to handle the reaper cushions.
The abundance mating signals girls give off if they like you.
https://youtu.be/yFY_uOb7bRk
Do You Know Why They Don’t Have Covid-19 in Antarctica?
Because they are ICE-O-LATED
Why was Yoda afraid of 7?
Because 6, 7 8…
There’s no way it’s looking at degen forums. Probably cringey wholesome ones. Time to invade
There’s no way it’s looking at degen forums. Probably cringey wholesome ones. Time to invade
Why did Pluto have such a terrible vacation?
Because he didn’t planet well.
What’s Batman’s favorite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA BA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA grapefruit
My wife and I had a fantastic wedding
Even our cake was in tiers.
“You’re 1 joule per second, Harry!”
“I’m a Watt?”
Two men, Jim and John, are walking their dogs when they pass by a restaurant.
“Let’s go in and get something to eat,” Jim suggests. “We can’t,” responds John. “Don’t you see the sign says No Pets Allowed?” “Oh, that sign?” says Jim. “Don’t worry about it.” Taking out a pair of sunglasses, he walks up to the door. As he tries walking into the restaurant, the host says, “Sorry, no pets allowed.” “Can’t you see?” says Jim. “I am blind. This is my Seeing Eye dog.” “But it’s a Doberman pinscher. Who uses a Doberman pinscher as a Seeing Eye dog?” the host asks. “Oh,” Jim responds, “you must not have heard. This is the latest type of Seeing Eye dog. They do a very good job.” Seeing that it worked, John tries walking in with his Chihuahua. Even before he can open his mouth, the host says, “Don’t tell me that a Chihuahua is the latest type of Seeing Eye dog.” John responds angrily, “You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?”
Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me
it means a lot.
What do you call a bullet proof Irishman?
Rick O'Shea
Horny Husband
With his wife now eight months pregnant, a man was severely horny. She recognized what he was going through and empathized enough to hand him a fifty-dollar bill. "Honey, you're so depressed. Take this money to the woman next door and she'll sleep with you. But remember: tonight only, okay? Never again!" He couldn't believe his ears but, afraid she might change her mind, grabbed the money and ran, but within five minutes was back, totally disappointed. "She says fifty isn't enough. She wants hundred!" His wife was mad, Why that bitch! When she was pregnant and her husband came over here, I only charged him fifty!