Fight or flight 24/7
Because it's white and settles on their land.
I called it the second hand second hand store
He said, “Repeat infractions?” I said, “Okay, 3/5 of my parking tickets are bogus!”
The first girl says, ‘My boyfriend can fit a whole fist up there.’ The second girl says, ‘Ha, my boyfriend can fit two fists and a foot.’ The third girl just smiles as she slides down the bar stool.
It’s a small scale operation.
Because it isn’t easy to tell them a part.
No pun in ten did.
The less suicidal people there are
Slow down and possibly use lubricant
The people of Dubai don't like The Flintstones ,while the people of Abu Dhabi do.
Because April showers bring May Flowers, and Mayflowers bring white people.
The second one is a repost.
I answered: “Well, I think my greatest weakness is my poor listening skills.”
Those who understand Binary and those who don't.
She talks about him religiously.
You saw-dust. (There were exaggerated winks after. And a elbow to the ribs. It was glorious)
A very attractive female golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay?" "I'm okay, thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart. "Why don't you come up to my villa, rest for a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later.” I noticed her silky bathrobe was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a very nice figure. "That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it." "Oh, come on now", she insisted. She was so pretty and very, very persuasive. I was weak … "Well, okay," I finally agreed, "However, I'm sure my wife won't like it." After a couple of Scotch, I thanked her and said: "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I'd better go now." "Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, letting her robe fall slightly more open. "Stay for a while, she won't know anything. By the way, where is she?" "Still under the cart, I suppose."
straightaway I knew he was a keeper
"I'm just here for the boos."
A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”.
“No, go right ahead.” the woman replies. The man stands, clears his throat, says “plethora”, and sits back down. “Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot.”
But then I was like Na, people wont understand.
Then I said "Dad, I'm over here."
7YO: Knock knock! Me: Who's there? 7YO: Europe Me: Europe who? 7YO: (with mock outrage) I'm not a poo! you're a poo!
In the bathtub, I always play Atlantis with my belly. But it just doesn't want to go down.
Credits to u/commonschemeforyou God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world" The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"
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I could not take the pane.
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The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, “What’s happening now?”
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!" "So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear. "Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
Me: I dunno. How heavy is she? Son: In a car dad This happened only moments ago. You can't just softball 'em in like that, son.
It’s really been a great cake day