Found on Instagram
I said, “I can’t be your brother and assister too.”
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
The rest of your life.
But all the good ones Argon
I guess you could call him a cheap-steak.
I learned next to nothing
I’m on a plane and the lunch choices are: white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I’m seated in the last row.
I'm hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.
I asked if it was that good, his smile faded and he looked me dead in the eye as he said no, its fucking close to water. He poured it down the drain without losing focus and walked out of the kitchen
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy, he's a web designer
And then it dawned on me.
One does not simply walk into more doors.
Sometimes it's hungry, sometimes it's tired, sometimes it's angry. Please help.
First thing he did when I got him home was make a bolt for the door.
I was just sitting around doing nothing.
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne"
"No, I'm not. And stop calling me Ted!"
They checked our reviews. One star.
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen." Edit: I think it's bad that I'm more excited watching this get ups that I was about the whole of Christmas
…that he had made the world’s flattest, blandest dough. To that I responded, “Prove it then!”
Instead he pulls out his tablet, opens the news app, and calls me old school, "tablets are the way to go nowadays' he says. Damn fly never stood a chance
A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" "We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied. "She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50…and I get $43 back from Medicare
Police are working tirelessly to catch him
Asians invented it, Italians spread it.
Because it cantaloupe.
I found it a little hard to swallow.
"Where?" "No. Just the regular kind."
It’s true! I saw it with my own eyes.
A civil engineer
Ah, I see you're a man of culture as well