Found this in my History Book
A man is driving down a country road when he loses control of his car and ends up in a ditch. He gets out of the car and knocks on a farmhouse door for help. He explains his situation to the farmer. The farmer gets his horse and they walk to the crash scene. The farmer then uses rope to tie the horse to the car"Pull, Zoomer, pull" the farmer shouts, but the horse doesn't move."Pull, Radar, pull" the farmer yells again, but again, the horse stands still"Pull, Dasher, pull" yells the farmer, but the horse stands like a rock."Pull, Dusty, pull" shouts the farmer, and the horse finally gets the car out with minimal effort.The driver is dumbfounded so he asks the farmer, "why do you call your horse different names?""You see," the farmer replies, "Dusty is blind. If he knew he was working by himself, he wouldn't have pulled."
Sometimes he even laughs
Three girls all had boyfriends with the same name, so in order to avoid confusion, they decided to give the boys nicknames.
The first girl said: "I call my man 7-Up." "Why do you call him that?" asked her friends. "Because he’s seven inches long and is always up." The second girl said: "I call my man Mountain Dew." "Why do you call him that?" said the other two. "Because he likes to mount me and do me!" The third girl said: "I call my man Jack Daniels." The others look at her in bewilderment and say: "Why do you call your man that? Jack Daniels is a hard liquor." "Exactly."
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked: “Honey, if I died would you get married again?”
Husband: "No sweetie." Wife:"I'm sure you would." Husband: "Okay, I would" Wife: "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" Husband: "Ya, I guess so." Wife: "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" Husband: "No, she's left handed."
It's a coming of age story.
I didn't know I could buy another can in the departure lounge.
Because they had a fight and 2021
I went to go help. He didn’t stand a chance against the 5 of us. Edit: can someone explain all the letters?
I was staring at her boobs when she said “would you please press one?” So I did.
Turns out she was talking about zodiacs. Anyway I've got three months to live.
It was touching.
To cover it’s butt-quack.
Because it had its CAPS LOCK on.
At least that's what she said in her diary.
Because he’s got little legs.
It was a hootin' nanny.
Look for the Fresh Prints
As I was standing there, I noticed four grave diggers walking about with a coffin. Three hours later and they’re still walking about with it. I thought to myself, “They’ve lost the plot.”
Last night I sawa host of pale, emaciated figures, with haunted eyes that showed the agony of living death.
It was my first time in a vegan restaurant.
I once lived a stone's throw away from a family that all died of mysterious head injuries.
It's because he is the man of steel. One of my students told me he made this up and I couldn't be more proud.
They have nothing to go on My dad texted this to me today
ME: [hesitantly] You're… an ambulance? DAD: I'm- I'm so proud of you, son […dies]
Exasperated, I showed him the picture and pleaded, “Doctor, all of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!”
He acknowledged grimly, "Indeed, that's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen."
I might go if I have nothing on.
A un-aware wolf
Land in it when they're not looking
Me: May divorce be with you
I'm sorry, I'm just not
I had to fight my wife and two doctors to do it.