Found this in r/memes couldn’t find it in here so I hope in the first to post it lol
What did Helen Keller say when she put down the cheese grater?
That was the most violent book I've ever read.
![Guy on the floor robs the robber [Only in SA]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/no_image_card-130-400x247.png)
Someone’s been adding soil to my garden…
The plot thickens.
A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish
They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, " Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ? She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, " Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate." St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says, " Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate." All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St.Peter says, "Reeva, What seems to be the rush?" The girl replies, "If I’m going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."
I was just voted “Least Likely to Succeed” by my graduating class.
I hate being a teacher.
Where do crayons go for vacation?
Colorado
How do crazy people get through the woods?
They take the psycho path.
I didn’t think my dad would steal from his job as a road worker.
But when i got home, all the signs were there.
Who first used propaganda?
The Australians. They asked you to take a “proper gander over there”
A drummer and her husband just had triplets. Their names?
Anna I. Anna II. Anna I, II, III.
What is the difference between a unicorn and a carrot?
One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.
A book fell on my head yesterday
I guess I only have my shelf to blame
Billie Eilish is officially 18 now, do you know what that means?
She's old enough to order 12 fascinating issues of Zoobooks for $19.95 if she calls 1-800-441-2400. When she calls, they'll include the bonus Elephants issue, stickers, and Tiger Poster with her order.
I never shower before church.
I like to sit in my own pew. Credit to my 7 year old granddaughter.
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared to handle the reaper cushions.
Why do Redditors get excited when a tornado rips down miles of fences?
Because there is a lot of reposting to do.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry
A Mexican magician said,
“I will disappear on the count of three! Uno…dos…” And he disappeared without a tres.
I found r/atheism the other day
Still can't believe it
Did you hear about the lumberjack’s first day on the job?
He got the axe after making a cutting remark about some dead wood.
I can’t tell if I like my new blender
It keeps giving me mixed results.
I was putting the outlet cover back on the wall while my wife was working at the computer with her back to me…
She said “what are you doing? What is that noise?” I said “I’ve been screwing around behind your back.” She whipped around in shock and saw me, screwdriver in hand, screwing in the outlet cover. I found it way more entertaining then she did.
I got the words “jacuzzi” and “yakuza” confused.
Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
What do you call a zombie who writes his own music?
A decomposer.
What does every racist joke start with?
A look over the shoulder.
People say I pronounce my b’s and v’ like a Russian…
Then Soviet…
How do you put the pin back in a Grenade?
Quick answers please.