Found this in the bathroom
Only a fraction of people know this
"Breathe you idiot, BREATHE!" I've never been so proud.
…but Quasimodo has a hunch.
129 bugs in the code.
Still can't believe it
So I stopped and asked what had happened. Through the sobs, said said that she was due to go on holiday, but all the money she had been saving for months was gone. Feeling sorry for her, I decided to give her £50 to try and help a bit. It's not something I'd normally do, but I just found £2,000 in the car park
Fun to play with in private, but should never be pulled out at the dinner table.
Is like continuing from someone else’s saved game
It's the best thing since sliced beard…
She still isn't talking to me
A garbage truck
I said, “I can’t be your brother and assister too.”
Saw the damnedest thing at the airport. A vulture was trying to board the plane with a dead, rotting animal hanging out of its mouth. Gate agent tried to stop him…
…and the vulture said, "I'm clearly permitted one piece of carrion luggage."
It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea
Joke's on them, they're imaginary too.
I think that something scary is about to happen, I can feel it.
everyone starts acting like you've been best friends since 1st grade once they see what you have.
No text found
Yes, we arson.
It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs when I sleep. Obligatory: Thank you for the silver and gold, kind strangers! My first awards ever.
You get your palm red.
They didn't do anything.
…the alpaca lips?
One of them hid in the closet, the second one went under the bed, and the third one went to the balcony. After a while, the one under the bed came out and said: "OK, madam, your bed is fixed now." She told her husband that she called this guy to repair one of the legs of the bed. The husband thanks him and gives him money. Later, the one in the closet steps out and says "Now, your drawers are working properly." The husband thanks him too and gives him money. The one in the balcony, who saw everything but did not hear anything, came out with great excitement and said: "I fucked her too."
I didn't even know they could knit!
Lawyer: "A woman shot her husband because he stepped on her freshly mopped floor." Officer: "That is correct." Lawyer: "Officer, can you explain why it took you 20 minutes to arrest the woman once you got there?" Officer: "The floor was still wet."
A guy in the back replies You don’t have enough bullets
Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours
It’s not my first choice, but I’m ok with it.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
Teach a redditor a joke, and they will repost it for a lifetime. It's cake and y'all know the rules!