French people don’t masturbate
They jacques off
Because they have a supreme ruler
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Because he never wanted to fold
my shower gets turned on.
Then why do banks have so many branches?
But I never got the chants.
Hey Bob, do you shower after sex? Well, of course I do. Great, could you please get laid more often?
"Whom, sweetheart?" "Mike the mailman." "Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!" "But mom, age is just a number." "Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."
if you guessed "heaven nun" or "Angel nun" you are wrong. The answer is "nun of the above" !
Be prepared for the reaper cushions.
Chris: Hey can I borrow a ten? Kristen: sure. Christen: Thank you. Kris: Anytime.
Guess who’s come crawling back
A cow with no lips!
Sure there's lots of fish in the ocean, but until I catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.
I was staring at her tits, and she said, "Could you please press one." So I did.
It's always hard to act surprised
Pope: "Do you know Jesus?" Alien: "Oh, Jesus. Great guy. He comes to our planet twice every year." Pope: "Every year?! It's about two millenniums and we're still waiting for his second coming." Alien: "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate." Pope: "Chocolate?" Alien: "Every time he visits, we gather the best chocolate from each manufacturing plant and give them to him before he leaves. Why, what did you do the first time he came here?"
A redneck. What do you call a cousin-fucker in Europe? Your Majesty.
A farmer buys a young cock. As soon as he gets it home it fucks all the Farmers 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch the cock again screws all 150 hens. Next day, it's fucking the ducks and the geese too. Sadly later in the day, he finds the cock lying on the ground half-dead and vultures circling overhead. Farmer says, "You deserved it, you horny bastard! "The cock opens one eye,points up and says,"Shhhhhh. They're about to land!!"
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But she said no. She believes I’m just after my money.
One is a fat, white, mindless killing machine with no conscience or future, and the other is a bear.
Follow the dog and you'll get a free purse or wallet.
“The Doctor will see you now.”
While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?" As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with cleavage to die for… "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look. She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head." "That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!" "Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly." Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this." We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now." "Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?" "Still in the ditch, I guess!"
Some lady got her nipple pierced. And I got banned from playing darts.
One weighs upwards of 1800 pounds, the other is a little lighter.
Because they have no body to go with.
A mathematician came home and told his wife, “sorry honey, but I’m leaving you for my 18 year old assistant. I’ll be home in a few hours and I’d like for you to be gone.”
He got back home and found a note that read,” hi honey, I’ve left and decided to run off with the 18 year old pool boy. We are both 54 years old, and I think you’ll figure out as a mathematician that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18.”
He was waiting for good dough.
I said well yea, but people that sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.
They both eliminate free radicals.