Friends: quarantine edition
"I'm a turtle", he says. "Oh… who's on your back?" "That's Michelle", he replies.
It's an irrational fear
That I came to the door naked or that I knew where he lived
Dress her up as a choir boy
Sadly, no one approved of their relationship. In the old days no one like mixed race marriages.
Being homeschooled sucks.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom. My dad remembers me being really proud of it and telling everyone, haha!
I think I deleted system32
My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other. Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?" Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands." Doesn't have a clue why I was laughing so hard.
..That the cops just let it go with a warning.
Can’t be spotted
The police officer handcuffs her “You have the right to remain silent” he says. She suddenly starts laughing. The police officer notices, and questions her behavior. “Why, you see, I’m just happy to finally have a right!”
Which means our women will be driving
Toward the Finnish line
Because he always accepts cookies.
So I was passing by a cemetery with my dad today, and he turns to me and goes, “You know, people living in Denver can’t be buried there” and I look at him and ask him “Why?”
He looks at me and says "Because they aren't dead yet".
We have….a lot in common.
I smiled and said, "America."
Even if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.
I like to remind her that most lottery winners blow their winnings.
They made a racist joke.
One is a Goodyear, one is a great year.
After all, they’re still stuck in the last decade
With my hands. OG dad joker till the end. Love you Grandfather.
The doctor says it’ll be a few weeks before I can use my ankle again.
Ones a Goodyear. The other is a great year.
That priest is in prison now.
Well, toucan play that game.
A lip reader.
In a dad-a-base
I would post proof, but it's obvious that I'm Joe King.