From my wfh training
![AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I SURE HOPE SOMEONE GETS THIS SUPER COMPLEX JOKE HAHAHAH I’M FUCKING DEAD 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 [x-post /r/mathmemes]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/oa1acis08ht11-400x331.jpg)
Did you hear about what happened to the guy from the keyboard factory?
He was fired for not putting in enough Shifts.
A Nazi walks into a bar
A Nazi walks into a bar, looks around, and notices an older orthodox Jewish man seated at a nearby table. Barman, he says, "A round on me, for all your patrons, but not for the old Jewish geezer right there." As everyone in the bar receives their drinks, he looks directly at the Jew with a nasty little smile. Surprisingly the Jew nods his head and sends a warm smile back. The Nazi is somewhat miffed, as this was not the reaction he expected. So he goes back to the bar "Barman, a second round for everyone but him, and this time take it all from the top shelf" Nazi looks again at the Jew, and notices that he is STILL smiling back, and even warmer than before "Is that Jew a complete fool or what?" he asks the barman. Bartender responds: "Oh no my generous friend, that gentleman is my boss and the owner of the bar"
A man and his wife are fast asleep in bed when the phone rings…
The man picks up, listens for a second and says, 'How the hell would I know, you idiot? I'm not a weatherman,' before slamming down the receiver. 'Who was that?' asks his wife. 'Wrong number. It was some jerk asking if the coast was clear.'
What’s the difference between kung pao and the coronavirus?
One's Chinese take out, the other takes out Chinese.
Clean.
http://bit.ly/2UPYocB
I won’t do any threesome.
If I wanted to disappoint two people in the same room, I would just have dinner with my parents.
A young kid is walking home from school when a car pulls up alongside him…
The driver says "get in the car". The kid says "No way!" and keeps walking. The driver says "Get in the car and I'll give you a candy bar!" The kid says "No way. A candy bar won't do it." The driver says "Get in the car and I'll give you a candy bar and twenty bucks!" The kid says "Look Dad, you bought the Volvo, YOU deal with it."
Dad – Hey, do you want to come over for a movie? I have already invited 17 people.
Me- Sure, but why so many people? Dad- The DVD says it is only for 18+ viewers.
What lies on its back, 100 feet in the air?
A centipede!
It’s a conversation between me and my 6 y o cousin…Sorry if it is not funny enough for you
him: Knock knock me: Who's there? him: A snail me: a snail who? him: a snail you threw out of the window two weeks ago asking why
Dad: Did I make myself clear?
Son: No, we can all still see you.
I have bought my wife a fridge for christmas.
I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
I just got accepted into the most popular anger management group.
It’s all the rage.
My girlfriend has the weirdest way to start a conversation with me..
„Were you even listening to me?!“
I told my dad I just met someone with one eye named john.
My dad…what was his other eye called?
Did you hear about the semicolon that broke the law?
It received two consecutive sentences.
I debated a flat earthier once
He got so mad that he stormed off saying that he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong. He’ll come around eventually
I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage.
The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.
I asked my math teacher why 6 was afraid of 7.
She replied, “Approximately 0.3583679495453”. I stared at her, confused. Seeing my confusion, she added, “You know, cos (789)”
Professor X to JK Rowling:
Professor X: "What's your power?" JK Rowling: "I can rewrite the past of fictional characters." Gay Professor X: "Interesting."
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’.
So we stopped playing chess.
What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?
Re-Morse code.
My toddler just dad joked me.
She asked for ice for some imaginary wound, and as I gave her the ice pack (shaped like a circle with five fingers), she told me, "Thanks, Dad, I just needed a hand." I've never been more proud.
Whenever I’m sad my German friend throws bread at me
A nice game of gluten tag always cheers me up.
I asked a pretty young homeless lady if I could take her home.
She said Yes, but didn't look pleased when I walked off with her cardboard box.
“Congratulations to drugs, who for another year in a row, has won the war on drugs”
https://ift.tt/35dOdVi
Amazing how Evangelicals and his supporters believe he should be the one we trust
https://ift.tt/2JvX7oj
I was at the beach today and I saw a man in the water shouting, “Help! Shark! Help!”
I laughed because I knew the shark wasn’t going to help him…
We don’t need facemasks for corona anymore
we can use coughy filters
A husband and wife are playing a crossword puzzle
Husband: Emphatic no, 5 letters. Wife: Never. Husband: Pistol, 3 letters. Wife: Gun. Husband: Disgust, 3 letters. Wife: Ugh. Husband: Charity, 4 letters. Wife: Give. Husband: Female sheep, 3 letters. Wife: Ewe. Husband: Pixar movie, 2 letters. Wife: Up.
Young Virgin Couple
A young virgin couple are finally wed. Each one is nervous about the impending night, but neither are willing to admit or ask each other about it. Wondering what to do first, the young man calls his father. "Pop, what do I do first?" "Get naked and climb into bed," his father replies. So, the young man does as he is advised. The girl is mortified and calls her mama. "Get naked and join him," is the advice from mama, so she complies. After laying there for a few moments, the young man excuses himself and calls his dad again. "Now what do I do?" he asks. His father replies, "Look at her naked body. Then, take the hardest part of your body and put it where she pees!" is the dad's advice. A few moments later, the girl again calls her mama. "What do I do now?" she asks. "Well, what is he doing?" mama asks. "He's in the bathroom, dunking his head in the toilet!"
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I told my wife that I don’t want to have children.
The kids are taking it pretty hard.
Yesterday I had a nightmare that my tiktok account was deleted.
For a second, I was really scared that I had a tiktok account.
Click here to see a silly beverage medley.
Do-re-mi-fa-soda-ti-do!
Did you hear about the dyslexic satanist?
He sold his soul to Santa.
Where were the first French fries made?
…in grease
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went after it set.
finally it dawned on me.
So there was this assassin that charged $10,000 per bullet.
A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges $10,000 a bullet?" "Yup." "What if you miss?" He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss…" "Okay, well I've got $20,000. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They're at the motel together right now." "Let's go," the assassin says. So they drive to a store across the street from the motel and climb up on the roof. The assassin takes out his rifle and attaches the scope. "They're in room 21. I want you to shoot her in the head, and I want you to blow his dick off." The assassin looks through his scope. He keeps staring for several minutes, not taking the shot. "Well? What are you waiting for!?" the husband asks. "Hold on a minute," said the assassin, "I think I can save you 10K".
