from r/unpopularopinion for context
On my lap. Turned on. Virus free.
Because then it'd be a foot!
Dad: No I got shot in the leggy.
Your Pupils. They dilate.
Something terrible’s about to happen… I can feel it…
The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4". The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4. Principal: What is 3+3? Boy: 6. Principal: 6+6. Boy: 12. The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed. Madam: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2? Boy: Legs. Madam: What is in your trousers that I don't have? Boy: Pockets. Madam: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid? Boy: Coconut. Madam: What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky? The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge Boy: Bubble gum. Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do. Boy: Tent. The principal was looking restless. Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?. Boy: Wedding ring. Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good? Boy: Nose. Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver. Boy: Arrow. Principal: OH MY GOD. Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you have to use your hand? Boy: Fork. Madam: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage? Boy: Surname. Principal: Ohooo! Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love? Boy: Heart. Principal: Eeeeeh! The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, "Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"
They were watch dogs.
I know I’m not > or < than any anyone else
Ladies if you agree with me message me your number and we can discuss it more. Maybe over dinner or a movie or something.
It's not hard
Are they all they were cracked up to be?
Being ugly every day sucks.
"Maybe a career as a tour guide isn't right for me?"
I don't know how to feel about it
That's my story and I'm sticking to it
One turns to other and says, "Its awfully quiet on deck tonight. Isn't it?" Other recruit replies, "Everyone must be watching the band." "There is no band on this ship." "No, I definitely heard the captain say, a band on ship."
It's okay I can Samurais it for you.
The 5th grader from Alabama, because he’s 18 years old.
Me: I wish I had a tail. Genje: Wejrd but okay.
Cop: “Sir, that’s not how a sobriety test works.”
so I just came in my pants.
If you're one of those people, don't worry.
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
but I forgot it
…you know, "other hole". I said that's dumb because she might get pregnant.
It sort of rolls off the tongue
She's probably pulling your leg