but to me that's just a minor problem
Aisle B, back!
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta
Now I'm feeling a little down.
Replace the t with an i.
So after a brief chat i went to go pick her up. I wasn't expecting much, probably 300 lbs with bad skin, but hey, I was so desperate it was this or join an incel chatroom. I walked up to the door and lo and behold, 5'2", baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde hair, all the right curves in all the right places. I couldn't believe my luck. I asked her what she did for a living. She said she taught sunday school. Now I never had me a Christian girl, but I'm open minded so I took her to dinner. On the way, I lit a joint and asked her if she puffs. "Oh heaven's no, what would I tell my Sunday school children." I said okay, weed's 50/50 some people do some people don't. And I took her to the best restaurant I knew. I ordered the steak, she ordered the lobster. I asked for the second most expensive bottle of wine on the menu. When the waitress came to pour, She said she didn't drink. I said "you don't drink?!?" "Oh heaven's no, what would I tell my Sunday school children." Excellent food, sparkling conversation but i'm bummed out, I don't know what to do with a girl like this. So I'm driving her home and pass a cheap motel, I figure, what have I got to lose. So i ask: "wanna get a room and knock boots?" She says: I thought you'd never ask! I say: Really? What are you gonna tell your Sunday school children? She says: The same thing I tell them every week. You don't have to drink and do drugs to have a good time!
Let me know if you can't come.
An Impasta (First post here)
He was out standing in his field.
On my lap. Turned on. Virus free.
Me: You just did You: I'm not going to do that Me: This joke only makes sense if you read it backwards
He asked me why I couldn’t just use a sponge.
Nobody could control Hispanic.
EDIT: tools …stupid keyboard…
I told her this way, she won’t have any grounds for divorce. Now give me my 7 upvotes
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
He said, I like it well done. I said thanks.
After take off pilot accidentally left his microphone on and said to his Co pilot ' Now I just want a cup of coffee and a blowjob'. An air hostess ran to tell him to switch off his microphone. When someone from the passengers shouted 'He asked for a cup of coffee too'.
Getting home to find they’ve forgotten one of your dishes. Riceless.
is it called an Edison now?
Aisle B, back
I said toucan play that game.
I thought it was a bit odd. Then I realized he was one of those plane clothes cops.
"No, but I told a donkey to fuck off once."
I feel with my hands. That was my dad’s go to, directly followed by: dad: can I make you a sandwich Me: sure Dad: (does magic hands) poof you’re a sandwich It’s almost 3 years since he died. I miss his joke every damn day.
Parents are supposed to wrap empty boxes to put under the tree. Then when the children are naughty, throw one in the fire.
But what if they run out of children?
Under his bed she finds a large collection of BDSM porn. Disturbed and not sure what to do she goes to her husband. "What should we do about this?" she asks. He replied, "Well we sure as hell can't spank him!"
You boil the hell out of it.
…makes the game Monopoly.
but then I started to see the signs
…and I've got the logs to prove it!
Hey bud, when do you open? 😆
The Bay of Pigs.