Fuck you Bunkerbitch!!
I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon. “Well…” he said. “It could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn’t decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we flip for it.”
"And he won?" I asked. "Well, no." he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder. The bastard!"
They’re hill areas.
I fell in the mud. Wanna hear a clean one? I took a shower.
Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.
It was a cereal killer.
I think she's mad, because she still hasn't spoken to me.
Last time I held my sister’s baby, I dropped it. It wasn’t even a big deal, but she started freaking out. It was an accident! Just an accident, no big deal. What happened was, after I was holding the baby and I inevitably dropped it, we start arguing and she’s overreacting big time. She called the cops, said I did it on purpose, blah blah of course all the while I’m denying it. She’s all red in the face screaming at me But my real question is, who brings a baby to the Grand Canyon? Nah I’m just kidding, my sister doesn’t have kids Anymore
"Are you ok?" I asked her. "Do you know where your mommy and daddy are?" "No" she sobbed I love doing volunteer work at the orphanage
Because he was told to get a long little doggie.
It really is.
He had an apartment complex.
Minecraft has taught me not to look tall black guys in the eye or they get aggressive. They're faster and stronger than you and they randomly steal things. However, you can escape by running to water–they can't swim.
Pun in, ten dead.
and now I'm the proud owner of aisle 4.
Me: "Why?" Bouncer: "I have no idea who you are and this is my trampoline."
No text found
Even the cake was in tiers.
“Houston, we have a problem.” What? “Never mind” What’s the problem? “Nothing” Please tell us? “You know what the problem is.”
4 For Sales 5 For Customer Service or 6 to hear these options again
I’ll beheading there shortly
One shoots but can't hit. The other hoots but can't shit
Because they're ice-o-lated
Because he'd Benedicted to it. I thought of this joke over 20 years ago as a kid lol
"What if we had sex?" asks Steve. "Are you crazy? Here, on the plane? It would be awkward, everyone would watch us doing it…" "Nobody is even paying attention to anything. Look!" Steve stands up and asks loudly: "Could I have a pencil, please?" Nobody gives a damn. Everyone is sleeping, reading, looking out the window, etc. "They really wouldn't care then, would they?" says Bill. So Steve and Bill have wild sex on the plane. Later, when the plane arrives to the airport and the people are leaving, the stewardess sees an old man who threw up all over his shirt, even his pants are soaking in the filth. "Sir, you should've asked for a bag!" "I didn't dare" whispers the old man. "A few rows ahead I saw a man asking for a pencil and he got fucked in the ass…"
When he was searched at the Moscow airport, the customs official found a bust of Lenin. Customs: What is that? Old man: What is that? What is that?! Don't say "What is that?" say "Who is that?" That is Lenin! The genius who thought up this worker's paradise! The official laughed and let the old man through. The old man arrived at Tel Aviv airport, where an Israeli customs official found the bust of Lenin. Customs: What is that? Old man: What is that? What is that?! Don't say "What is that?" say "Who is that?" That is Lenin! The sonofabitch! I will put him on display in my toilet for all the years he prevented an old man from coming home. The official laughed and let him through. When he arrived at his family's house in Jerusalem, his grandson saw him unpack the bust. Grandson: Who is that? Old man: Who is that? Who is that?! Don't say "Who is that?" say "What is that?" That, my child, is eight pounds of gold!
I sleep in the dark.
If you do it you'll see why.
He had a reptile dysfunction.
I wrote the names of everyone I’ve unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint.
Now he’s high on my list of people I never want to see again.
There will be no coffin at his funeral.