Gender inclusivity bad
I think my microscope has ADHD.
It refuses to focus.
Imagine Convincing Someone From The Past That These Are Actual Headlines From 2019
https://ift.tt/2NoXPGg
I once had a hen who could count her own eggs.
She was a mathemachicken.
What’s Forrest Gumps password?
1forrest1
What do you call a bacterial disease caused by two grizzlies?
Twobearculosis.
puntastic
Doctor : i had to remove your colon. Me why
So i stubbed my toe this morning…
My toe hurts but The Opera Director Next door was very impressed
What do you call a careful wolf?
Aware wolf.
My penis may not be 12 inches
….but it smells like a foot.
Republicans trying to find just 1 witness willing to defend Trump’s innocence under oath
https://ift.tt/37jeC5j
Heard about the man who painted his scrotum?
Pretty nuts
What’s Yoda’s last name?
Layheehoo
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set all by my self.In a moment of panic,I threw a bedsheet over it
I think I managed to cover my tracks
What’s the difference between a tuna, a piano, and an owl?
You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.
Being an Amputee is a blessing and a curse…
On one hand, I have fingers. On the other hand, I don’t.
What did the little mermaid wear to math class
An algae- bra
I just watched a documentary about beavers.
It was the best dam show I have ever seen.
A cute girl at work said she’d only go on a date with me on a day that doesn’t end in ‘Y’.
I said, “Great! I’ll pick you up tomorrow!”
My wife said that this subreddit was full of stupid, unfunny puns…
But this post I made a couple hours ago says otherwise
What vegetable has a hard time breathing? Artichokes!
No text found
I just got a new job at a bicycle repair shop.
I’m their new spokesman.
My teacher told me I’d never be good at poetry because I’m dyslexic.
But so far I've made three jugs and a vase and they're lovely.
Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob are sitting in a bar, drinking beers.
Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take. "Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes," the Dean says. "English, Math, Science, and Logic." "Logic?" Jim asks. "What the hell is that?" "Here, I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?" Proudly, Jim responded, "Yes, I do." "Well, if you own a weed wacker, then logically speaking you own a lawn," the Dean said. "Yes, yes I do have a lawn!" "Well, if you have a lawn, then logically speaking you own a house." "Yes, yes I do have a house!" "And if you have a house, then logically speaking you have a family." "Yes, yes I do have a family!" "And if you have a family, then logically speaking you have a wife. And if you have a wife, then logically speaking you're heterosexual." "Yes, yes I do have a wife and I am heterosexual! Wow, I can't believe you found out all of that just because you knew I had a weed wacker!" Jim exclaimed. "Yeah, that's what logic is," the Dean responded. Jim excitedly went back to the bar, awaited by Bob. "Bob, I'm taking 4 classes in college. English, Math, Science, and Logic," Jim told Bob. "Logic?" Bob asks. "What the hell is that?" "Here, I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?" "No." Jim stared at him. "You some kind of faggot, Bob?"
conjuctivitis.com
now that's a site for sore eyes
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent. When does the punchline become apparent? After the delivery.
A blind man visits Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. “Wow, this bed is big!”
“Everything is bigger in Texas,” says the bellhop. The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer. A mug is placed between his hands. “Wow these drinks are big!” The bartender replies, “Everything is big in Texas.” After downing a few, the blind man asks where the bathroom is. “Second door to the right,” says the bartender. The blind man heads for the bathroom but accidentally enters the third door, which leads to the swimming pool, and he falls in. Popping his head up from under the water and flailing his arms, he shouts, “Don’t flush, don’t flush!”
To the person who stole my glasses IM WARNING YOU!!
I have contacts
