Get it because the floor appears to bend.
A staggering 100% of them use "Get out of my shower".
Noble gasses don't cause a reaction
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
But I quit as it was just one ting after another…
it was very time consuming
It scares the shit out of their dogs.
…”we don’t serve your type!”
Well, it's not 6, cause my basement is still dark
Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.
The lecture hall is completely full with a line out the door of people trying to get in. From the outside of the building the audience could be heard erupting with laughter, applause, oohs and aahs, and gasps of surprise. A man walking by sees the line out the door and hears the commotion coming from the lecture hall and decides to see what is going on. He gets as close as he can to the front a d asks one of the students trying to get in what the lecture is suppose to be about. “Well an engineer is in there, giving a speech entitled “The Mechanical Properties and Shear Strength Analysis of Joints Fastened By Means of Metallic Slugs Compressed by Pneumatic Tools” the Student replied. The man’s mouth dropped open in disbelief, “This whole crowd and all that noise, for something that sounds like a snooze fest?” he asked. The student replied, “Oh don’t let the name fool you. When it comes right down to it, it is simply riveting!”
It's not a beautiful poem, but its very deep.
I'm not sure how I feel about that at the moment.
The doctor phones the man back shortly after and says, "You called?" The man thinks for a second, then says, "No, pretty warm, actually."
But then I got married.
Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help. "Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!" The doctor strolled into the room within seconds, and whilst I stuttered and tried to comprehend the situation, he gave me some medicine to ease the symptoms. When I finally stammered out "h…how does the hotel have their own doctor on call?", he simply shook his head and cracked a smile, and replied: "Nobody expects the Spanish inn physician."
Therapist: You bet. Me: Yes, that’s why I asked.
Edit: This post just blew up
Well, today I bought some ready to eat chicken, and sure enough, when I got home I was ready to eat chicken.
Husband : emphatic no, five letters Wife : never H : pistol, three letters W : gun H : disgust, three letters W : ugh H : charity, four letters W : give H : female sheep, three letters W : ewe H : Pixar movie, two letters W : Up
He didn't want to be spotted
A man goes to join an order of monks. The head Monk says to the man "This is a silent order. You will only be allowed to speak once, every 15 years." The man says "Ok" and so begins his time with the silent order. 15 years pass and the man is sitting in the refectory when the head monk approaches and says to the man "It has been fifteen years. What would you like to say brother?". The man responds, "The porridge could do with a little more sugar." The head monk nods in acknowledgement and walks away. Another 15 years pass and the head monk finds the man in the dormitory and says "Brother, it has been another 15 years. What is it that you wish to say?". "The bed sheets are a bit thin." Replies the man. Again the head monk nods in acknowledgement. Yet another 15 years pass and the head monk sees the man and asks "15 years have passed. Have you anything to say?". "Well actually I've been thinking about it and I'm leaving the order. It's not really for me." says the man. "Yes, yes" sighs the head monk "I think that's for the best. You've done nothing but fucking complain since you got here."
The bartender says, "Seems as though you’ve got a major stuttering problem." The man replies, "N-n-no k-k-k-idding!" The bartender says, "I used to stutter, but my wife cured me. One afternoon she gave me oral sex three times in a row, and I haven’t stuttered since!" The man says, "W-w-wow, th-th-that’s great to kn-kn-know…" A week later, the same man walks in to the bar, and says, "G-g-gimme a b-b-beer." The bartender says, "Why didn’t you try what I told you?" "I d-d-did!" said the man, "It j-j-just d-d-didn’t w-w-work… ….b-b-but I m-m-must say, you have a r-r-really n-n-nice apartment!"
Who brought home a goat in a bucket His wife said “is that dinner?” He said “No, I’m a sinner” And took it up stairs to fuck it.
You want a piece of me?
Cammom-bear! (sorry if ya heard this one already)
Customer: "cargo space?" Me: " no, car no fly, car go roads" Manager: " can I see you in my office?"
Because it’s made in China.
there is a new issue every single day.
Because he doesn't have a Seoul.
I was wrong on many levels
And all you get is a hundred bee stings.
To break on through to the other side
They only do their jobs after they are fired
When they asked what it meant, he said it was a thimble of friendship!