Get it? She was a slut. Deploy laughter
What’s the best part about fingering a gypsy on her period?
You get your palm red for free
I’m following my girlfriend to England for the semester.
I’ll be studying a broad.
What happened to the overconfident lion tamer?
He was consumed by his own pride!
Mom, dad… I’m gay…
My mom looked at my dad. My dad clenched his fists. My mom screamed: "NO DON'T DO IT" …. My dad, breathing heavily: "HI GAY, I'M DAD!"
There is a fine line between numerator and denominator
Only a fraction of people will get it
Ever hear the joke about the monorail?
It's a one-liner
One of my great grandfather’s favorite jokes…
A guys walking down the street with a bag of rabbit droppings he runs into one of his friends who asks what’s in the bag. Guy says “Smart Pills,” his friend says “Gimme one of them Smart Pills,” then reaches in the bag and pops a handful of them in his mouth. He looks at the guy and says “These smart pills taste like shit,” guy says “You’re getting smarter already.”
Why doesn’t Oedipus swear?
Because he kisses his mother with that mouth
“Wanna know something?” asked my girlfriend.
I said, "What is it?" She said, "I saw you sitting in the park. You were reading your autobiography to your ex." "Hmm," I replied. "Really?" She said, "How do you explain yourself?" I said, "Well, if I read it to you perhaps you'll find out."
Are people born with a photographic memory?
Or does it take time to develop?
I invented a new golf ball that’ll automatically go in the hole if it gets within four inches…
Whatever you do, do NOT carry them in your back pocket…
My mom used to tell me not to laugh at other’s condition because we may be in their position one day.
So I laugh at Bill Gates' condition everyday.
![This video from facebook [screenshot]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/1pj8te1zmab21-400x440.jpg)
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A Doyouthinkhesaurus Rex
Why are there no cases of COVID-19 in Antarctica?
Because they're ice-o-lated
I spent all night trying come up with a dad joke
When suddenly it dawned on me
When I buy my wife something made of gold,
she always gazes at me in Au.
I just saw the worlds biggest pair of glasses
It was quite the spectacle
My dad didn’t laugh so hopefully you’ll enjoy.
Chatting on the phone with my dad while he was at work. Dad "I've got a light on my helmet so I look like a miner" Me "No, I would say you look about 40" Not even a chuckle from him 😒
A barber in my town was arrested for illegal drug trade. It was shocking, I have been his customer for years.
Never knew he was a barber.
I met Mick and Keith backstage. I was rude but efficient.
I flipped two stones with one bird.
If you get into a pillow fight with death…
Be prepared for the reaper cushions.
I don’t always roll a joint but when I do…
It’s my ankle.
Back in 1920’s…
…Mrs. Goldstein decided to leave NY for a vacation in Miami Beach. She decided to make a reservation at the Fountainebleu hotel (which at the time, infamously would not rent rooms to Jews or other minorities) She got to the front desk and signs her name in the ledger. The clerk looks at her signature and says, "Oh there must have been a mistake. You can't stay here." "What do you mean?" she answers confused. "Well, your last name is Goldstein. You can't stay here." To which he points to the sign saying 'No Jews' "Oh, you think I'm Jewish? I'm not Jewish." "Oh really? If that's the case, you can answer these questions…Who is our lord and savior?" "Why, Jesus, of course…" she answers without hesitation. "Uh huh. And where was he born?" the manager snidely asks. "In the city of Bethlehem, In a manger." "Uh huh. And why was he born in a manger?" "Because a schmuck like you wouldn't rent a room to a nice Jewish couple!"
Whoever invented auto-correct,
can go to hello. Edit: Wow thanks for the silver!
Is this sub still active?
There haven't been any posts all year! australia squad
My son’s nursery school just bought some brand new air fresheners…
It's a day care scenter.
My wife is constantly changing her name, but gets mad at me when I call her the new name.
Sometimes it's hungry, sometimes it's tired, sometimes it's angry. Please help.
Where does 100 equal 60?
A microwave.
A guy with flame tattoo sleeves walks into a building.
Security stops him and says there are no firearms allowed in this building.
My friends asked me why I’ve mysteriously been hanging grapes outside to dry.
I told them, “I have my raisins.”
There’s a new horror film out about a man that possessed people by sneezing.
It's based on achoo story.
A woman is walking home with her three daughters.
The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, "Mummy, how did I get my name?" "Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Rose". The second daughter, now curious, asks the same question. "Well darling, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a lily petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Lily." The third girl asks "AAArrgghhrasfdg". "Shhh, quiet now, Cinderblock".
4 beer company CEOs walk into a bar
The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light. The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light. The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light. The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke. The first three ask the CEO of Guinness why he didn't order a Guinness, to which he replied: "I figured if you 3 weren't ordering beer it would be rude for me to."
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks.