Gimbal lock casuals
Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
Then does having sex for free make you a non-profit whoreganisation?
Teach a man to fish, and he'll be the only one at the crime scene when the police arrive.
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them
None. It's a hardware problem.
But then my Dad reminded me: money doesn’t glow on tees.
It’s the only way I’ll ever get into medical school.
She's probably pulling your leg.
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back." "That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" Johnny said: "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."
I've told her not to get her hopes up. "After all," I say, "we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute." When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out, "This is your thirty-second birthday." For the life of me, I can't figure why doesn't think this is hilarious. I keep making sure to remind her of it every time we are around new people. Hopefully if she hears the joke enough she will start to appreciate it.
I asked my 32 brothers and sisters, but they didn't know either.
One is a crusty bus station the other is a busty crustacean
It's something I can see myself doing.
No text found
Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins.
It's a faux pa.
He tractored down.
…but really, watashi no?
They asked if she would consider following the word of Jesus Christ. She replied, “no thanks, but maybe next time around.”
Boss: Hard drive? Me: No, the commute was fine. It was my computer.
🌽🌽🌽 He was out-standing in his field 🌽🌽🌽
Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head
When my neighbors asked what I was supposed to be, I sadly replied, "I was supposed to be a lot of things…"
So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Because I suck at tennis.