Gimbal lock casuals
Because they can't break the ice.
What a strange way to start a conversation with me…
If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
Like every other year.
It was a waist of time.
You have my word
Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours!
Because he is a small arms dealer
Cop: You are the lawyer. Lawyer: Exactly, so where’s my present?
But let me give it a shot.
He tractor down.
I’m getting sick of them
"How much have you had to drink?" she demanded. "Not much" I slurred. "Look at me!" she shouted, "It's either me or the bar, which one is it?" I paused for a second and said "It's you, I can tell by the voice."
You get your palm red for free
Because the pair had only ever been on rotten dates.
He walks up to the driver's side window and asks the husband for his license and registration. The wife, hard of hearing, asks "what?! What did he say to you?" The husband replies "he wants my license!" The officer asks him if he knew how fast he was going. The wife yells "what?! What did he say to you?" The husband yells back "he says I was speeding!" As the officer looks at the license he notices they're from Ohio "you know, I used to live in Ohio. Worst place ever. I was seeing this woman there, and it was just miserable. She would never shut up, couldn't cook worth shit, constantly belittled me, and the sex was just awful." The old lady once again yells "what?! What did he say to you?" The husband yells back "he said you two used to date!"
I’m galactose intolerant
They couldn't find another man of his caliber.
I'll let you know.
She said she was sorry she ever married me.
Then it hit me
…are the leading cause of dry skin.
I thought it would be a piece of cake!
He is essentially a giant banner
A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer “That’ll be five dollars”, says the bartender, and the guy throws 20 quarters onto the floor. Reluctantly, the bartender picks up the coins and serves the beer.
The next day, the guy comes into the bar, asks for a beer, throws 20 quarters onto the floor, etc. The next day, again. On the fourth day, he asks for a beer, and hands the bartender a 10$ bill. The bartender takes advantage of his chance for revenge, throws 20 quarters onto the floor and yells "here's your change asshole!" The guy looks down at the coins and says: "I'll have another beer, please."
I told him it’s Ctrl-P. He says he hasn’t been able to do that for ages.
Elongate would be really drawn out.