Going to the fridge
A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender says to the rabbit, "What can I get ya, sir?" The rabbit says, " I have no idea. I'm only here because of Autocorrect."
My wife found out I was cheating on her, after she found all the letters I was hiding.
She got so mad and said she is never playing Scrabble with me again!
Why was the grape arrested?
He did a sult-ana
What do you call a bisexual person who is single?
They are on standbi
My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle
I responded, “That’s not right.” With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle. “Precisely,” I agreed. “If the angle were right it would be 90°.”
What do liquid Draino and a Dutch stripper have in common?
They both slowly remove clogs.
Dads are like boomerangs
I hope
Why are redneck murders the hardest to solve?
All the DNA matches and there's no dental records.
How do astronauts say sorry?
They apollo-gise
To be frank.
I’d have to legally change my name.
What do you call a smart fart?
Asstoot.
I hear in Africa they tried an experiment where they blessed the rains
It was a Toto failure.
![R.I.P big guy! [Not Humour]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/gbqvzq1mkzh41-400x463.jpg)
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna 1 Anna 2
Why doesn’t 7 have any frends?
he's odd.
Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world?
Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.
“I can’t believe that you’ve been visiting prostitutes for sex,” my wife screamed at me. “I’m really disappointed.”
“You can hardly blame me,” I answered. “It’s not like I was getting any from you.” “Well, that’s your own fault,” she replied. “You never told me you were willing to pay for it.”
My wife asked me if I thought our kids are spoiled
I told her, "no, I think all kids smell like that."
Knock knock. Who’s there. Cash.
Cash who? No thanks, but I'll take a peanut! For allergic kids: No thanks, I'm allergic!
The guy at the tuxedo store keeps hovering around me, so I asked him to leave me alone.
He said, “Fine. Suit yourself.”
Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own?
It's two-tired.
Two Arab guys move to the US, and they have a friendly bet as to who would become more “Americanized” in a year.
After a year, the first guy: I just dropped off my kids at baseball practice, and I’m taking him to McDonalds later. The second guy: Fuck off, towelhead!
To the person who stole my glasses
I will find you, I have contacts
I came to work this morning and was shocked to find that our company was bought over by a firm in Madrid.
No one expects the Spanish acquisition.
My friend decided to have a testicle removed after he found a lump.
He is really hardcore about his mashed potatoes.
The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women
Xbox was struggling…
but they really turned it around with the 360.
My son gets to play a frosted cinnamon biscuit in the school play!
It's a sweet role!
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They’ll just shoot the room for being black
When I heard that a cure for dyslexia had been discovered
It was like music to my arse
