Going to the fridge
The bartender says to the rabbit, "What can I get ya, sir?" The rabbit says, " I have no idea. I'm only here because of Autocorrect."
She got so mad and said she is never playing Scrabble with me again!
He did a sult-ana
They are on standbi
I responded, “That’s not right.” With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle. “Precisely,” I agreed. “If the angle were right it would be 90°.”
They both slowly remove clogs.
All the DNA matches and there's no dental records.
I’d have to legally change my name.
It was a Toto failure.
Anna 1 Anna 2
Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.
“I can’t believe that you’ve been visiting prostitutes for sex,” my wife screamed at me. “I’m really disappointed.”
“You can hardly blame me,” I answered. “It’s not like I was getting any from you.” “Well, that’s your own fault,” she replied. “You never told me you were willing to pay for it.”
I told her, "no, I think all kids smell like that."
Cash who? No thanks, but I'll take a peanut! For allergic kids: No thanks, I'm allergic!
He said, “Fine. Suit yourself.”
Two Arab guys move to the US, and they have a friendly bet as to who would become more “Americanized” in a year.
After a year, the first guy: I just dropped off my kids at baseball practice, and I’m taking him to McDonalds later. The second guy: Fuck off, towelhead!
I will find you, I have contacts
I came to work this morning and was shocked to find that our company was bought over by a firm in Madrid.
No one expects the Spanish acquisition.
He is really hardcore about his mashed potatoes.
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women
but they really turned it around with the 360.
It's a sweet role!
None. They’ll just shoot the room for being black
It was like music to my arse