Good news in the US

Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors?

Because if it had 4 doors it’d be a chicken sedan.

Taking responsibility for one’s actions

https://ift.tt/399UfYj

Mathematically, if you commit 90 sins, you only get caught half the time.

sin 90 = cot 45

Pandemic jokes are the funniest

Because everyone gets it

Some dude got charged thousands of dollars for making sure he wasn’t a deadly plague. Now what do you think other people will do?

https://ift.tt/388oKNu

What should you say if a tornado blows off 25% of your roof?

Oof

And when the donation tin is makes it's way to the gay man, he leaves a $1000 in the tin. Once the tin makes it's way back to the pastor, the pastor is shocked! He yells, "Whoever left such a generous donation, please make yourself known!". The gay man stands up and says "I did". The pastor smiles at the man and says, "This church thanks you for such a gift! The congregation would love for you to choose 3 hymns". The gay man starts pointing around the church and saying "I will take him, and him and him!"

No words are needed

Calculus professor inspired me to come up with this

Got’em!

The Invisible Man [OC]

https://ift.tt/35YVOGH

It can’t be that bad.

https://ift.tt/2tJOr8L

Lol Greta bad America good climate change good

https://ift.tt/2pm5qfx

Silly boomer

https://ift.tt/37ZibNB

My side-project experience

https://ift.tt/3bxG0hm

With all the panic buying, my wife went to Costco for a bunch of stuff. This is the full result. 1 case of white wine…

https://ift.tt/2IsLxsV

Many years ago a man was travelling through the mountains of Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep.

He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn. As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father, "Who is that man going into the barn?" "That fellow is travelling through," said the farmer. "Needs a place to stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn." The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry." So she prepared him a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn. About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing dishevelled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went. The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn, and she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed. The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left. When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. "How could he leave without even saying goodbye," she cried. "We made such passionate love last night!" "What?" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain. The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!" The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out… "LAIDTHEOLADEETOO!"