Good ol' days - Joke Jet

I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick from her purse, instead of her lip stick.

She still isn’t talking to me.

What do you call a fish looking for cancer treatment.

Finding chemo.

Most are shocked when they find out I am not a very good electrician.

No text found

In what state does the Missouri river flow?

Liquid!

This rug looks a little…. ruff.

https://ift.tt/2KkqR81

I want to post a walkie talkie joke,

but I need to think it, over.

Democratic Socialism isn’t “free stuff”. It is getting services for your tax dollars.

https://ift.tt/2H6meMP

I’m going to join the Navy purely out of spite

I’m longing to become a Petty Officer.

LMAO

https://ift.tt/2MpHH6x

A man goes to his boss and says, “I need to leave early today, I’m going to be a father!”

"Of course", he replied. "Take the afternoon off.” When the man returned to work the next day, his boss came to his desk. "Well, how'd it go? Is it a boy Or a girl?” “Not sure,” said the man, “but I’ll let you know in about 9 months.”

It took me 5 minutes 😂

https://ift.tt/2y4F85r

Keep slapping them unrelated pictures below mediocre jokes

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes but nothing to light them with.

So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Why

404

https://ift.tt/38s7GTe

SAVAGE 😂😂😂

hope this hasnt been posted already, but here goes

what did the buffalo say to his son when he left? bi-son

Why is your nose in the middle of your face?

Because it’s the scenter

I used to steal Mitch Hedberg’s jokes

I still do, but I used to too

So I entered my snail in to a race, but I took his shell off to make him faster.

It ended up making him sluggish.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide

I have finally made it

I have two kids, a three year old daughter and a one year old son. Today as we were driving home, my daughter said for the first time “dad I’m hungry” and I felt the power course through my veins knowing I was about to reach the pinnacle of existence. I delivered the revered line and my wife just looked at me and I knew I had achieved everything in life.

An American walks into an Irish bar.

While on vacation, an American walks into an Irish pub and orders a drink. After a minute he says out loud, "I'll bet anyone in here $1,000 if they can take 10 shots of Jameson in a row, without stopping or vomiting." The bar gets quiet except for one man who gets up and walks out. The American laughs and continues to finish his drink. No more than 5 minutes pass, when the Irish man who left earlier, walks back into the pub and says, " I'd like to take ye challenge." The American laughs, buys the 10 shots for the Irish man and shows him the cash. Quickly the Irishman slams all 10 shots with ease. Astondished, but a man of his word the American gives the Irish man the $1,000 and says, "I just have one question, where the hell did you go?" The Irish man laughs and says, "Oh Aye jus went to the pub across the street to see if aye could do it."

A crusty old man walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the secretary, “I would like to join this damn church.”

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!" "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church." And with that said, the secretary leaves her desk and walks into the pastor's study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?" "There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money." "I see," said the pastor. "And is this bitch giving you a hard time?"