Good ol’ days
She still isn’t talking to me.
but I need to think it, over.
I’m longing to become a Petty Officer.
"Of course", he replied. "Take the afternoon off.” When the man returned to work the next day, his boss came to his desk. "Well, how'd it go? Is it a boy Or a girl?” “Not sure,” said the man, “but I’ll let you know in about 9 months.”
So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
what did the buffalo say to his son when he left? bi-son
Because it’s the scenter
I still do, but I used to too
It ended up making him sluggish.
To get to the other slide
I have two kids, a three year old daughter and a one year old son. Today as we were driving home, my daughter said for the first time “dad I’m hungry” and I felt the power course through my veins knowing I was about to reach the pinnacle of existence. I delivered the revered line and my wife just looked at me and I knew I had achieved everything in life.
While on vacation, an American walks into an Irish pub and orders a drink. After a minute he says out loud, "I'll bet anyone in here $1,000 if they can take 10 shots of Jameson in a row, without stopping or vomiting." The bar gets quiet except for one man who gets up and walks out. The American laughs and continues to finish his drink. No more than 5 minutes pass, when the Irish man who left earlier, walks back into the pub and says, " I'd like to take ye challenge." The American laughs, buys the 10 shots for the Irish man and shows him the cash. Quickly the Irishman slams all 10 shots with ease. Astondished, but a man of his word the American gives the Irish man the $1,000 and says, "I just have one question, where the hell did you go?" The Irish man laughs and says, "Oh Aye jus went to the pub across the street to see if aye could do it."
A crusty old man walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the secretary, “I would like to join this damn church.”
The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!" "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church." And with that said, the secretary leaves her desk and walks into the pastor's study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?" "There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money." "I see," said the pastor. "And is this bitch giving you a hard time?"
I never got a straight answer.
but all the seats were taken.
Unfortunately she blew it
I have a hunch it might be me.
…it was fantastic!
… he made a bolt for the door.
He comes from a LAN down under
The thief made a clean getaway
Her exact words were "severely diabetic", but I know what she meant.
..It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
But I couldn't find a manual.
Once with her and 9 in the shower trying to wash it off
Sir: Like winning an argument with my wife. Waiter: Rare it is.
His name was Sir Gay
He replied, "Your name is 'You know what my name is'?" I've never been prouder.
Mother : Yes, a lot. Doctor : So are we vaccinating the baby, or should I slap you again?
To slow geese down.
They got stuck at C
…you know, "other hole". I said that's dumb because she might get pregnant.
Looking at it now, I see why.
Religion brought them together