Good ol’ magenta…just like grandma used to make it up
He said, “It must be drawn to scale.”
It's like I've never seen Her-bivore
Because then it's a pair-a-dice
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What’s your name?” he asked the new guy. “John,” the new guy replied. The manager scowled, “Look… I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by his or her first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only … Smith, Jones, Baker .… That’s all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what’s your last name?” The new guy sighed, “Darling. My name is John Darling.” “Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . .”
None. They will never allow change, even if it makes the world a brighter place.
Cop: You are the lawyer. Lawyer: Exactly, so where’s my present?
ME: Where are we going? Dad: To pick up our glasses from the optometrist. ME: Than What? Dad: We'll see..
Should’ve cooked it on aloha temperature
On the left side, there is nothing right. On the right side, there is nothing left.
The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day." The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up. The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up. The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever. The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."
I'm not kidding.
A condescending con descending.
And dropped them at the same time which half won? Neither. It was a tie.
mathematics puns make me feel number.
He's a small arms dealer
By 4am I was past caring…
Thesaurus: I can give you more than one example.
Since then, I have been a lot more successful in my attempts
It’s the little things that count.
They're good but they haven't got a gig yet.
So he rounded them up.
..but apparently all it does is change the colour of your baby.
When do we want them? NNNNNNEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWW!
The Imam says “Why the wrong faith?”
I guess oppozits attract
I asked her if she got a good deal on her new crop top, and she heard me from across the street. Her ears are brand new!
No, seriously, it is.
Nothing… They fast!
They are calling it the wurst käse scenario.