As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter… I slid my finger back out, and within seconds, she was going down on me.
I thought to myself, “I really need a new boat.”
Wanna get away?
Say no to a replacement
How did 10 die ?
It was in the middle of 9/11.
Halloween is upon us!
Terri Sciavo’s ghost
Oh. That kind of wireless
LPT: If you have trouble remembering your password, find a picture of some running shoes and stare at it.
maybe it'll help jog your memory.
180 ° C is the perfect temperature for making popcorn.
My dumbass son thinks there’s the letter F is in the word ‘way’
There’s no F in way.
I MADE MY FIRST MEME TODAY
Just shave it at that point
Found on im14andthisisdeep, but it looks like more of a boomer thing
Me as a hardware guy
U.S citizens be like
Me and my girlfriend are just too different…
I exist and she doesn't
Wife takes laxatives. It’s funny because Easter is in two weeks.
The Sensitivity of Conservative Men on the Internet
please enter github username and password
A husband will only have sex with his wife on one condition
A married couple of 20 years were as normal as could be, bar one little quirk the husband had in the bedroom. He'd only have sex with the lights off. The wife assumed he merely had some shame in the penile department, but she loved him, so happily obliged. An added bonus was that it felt like he was actually reasonably well-equipped downstairs, so everything was good. However, 20 years of blind sex took its toll on her and their relationship. In the middle of one of their love-making sessions, the wife dived for the lamp and turned on the light. She saw her husband with his pants on and a dildo in hand. There was a brief moment of silence, then the wife sternly stated "You have some explaining to do." The husband looked her dead in the eye and said "I'll explain this when you explain the kids".
Reducing and Reusing are actually better for the environment than recycling.
Should we tell em
What did the officer say to his belly button?
You’re under a vest!
What programmers go through
Coronavirus bad, diarrhea worse
Funny and sad
What do you call smart person in America?
At least he’s gonna enjoy testing.
What do Green Eggs and Ham and Fifty Shades of Grey have in common?
They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.
Fitness is my passion
Son: What rhymes with orange?
Dad: No, it doesn’t
Not my job…
Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, recently received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.
On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy. "Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage. Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging. There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife." "That's disgraceful" said the inspector, "I need to interview the half-wit." "That'll be me then," said Paddy.
When you debug in production
Why can’t miss piggy count to 100?
Because when she reaches 69 she gets a frog in her throat.
Anti-Vaxxers have suffered an integer overflow
Just horrible in every way.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.
What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?
Their middle name
That’s a great job
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s pain to the baby’s father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10%. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and “kick it up a notch.” The doctor then adjusted the machine to 50% pain transfer. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby boy with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, their neighbor was dead on the porch.
A good sense of humor even during bad times
Omg. We need 50 cc of LMAO stat.
We got pulled over and the cop wanted to know if my dad knew why. “With all due respect sir,” my dad replied…
"If you forgot, I'm not going to remind you."
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many side glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said. After several minutes, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
Trying to understand your uncommented code a few days later
If sounding my B’s as V’s makes me Russian
Titles are hard
I like how his head is in the reservoir tip
I was surprised to find that “Trailer Park Barbie” doesn’t come with bruising on her body
Then I realized battery not included
or prehistory, perhaps
Wash it off!
Ricardo X grey
Sex with boss
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done." She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself." So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, "what happened?" She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still fucking!"
It’s truly remarkable.