Said Tom, being frank
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you woulda thought the whole thing was built on some Indian burial ground.
Every time on person sneezes, 10 people around them shit themselves.
Dress her up as a choir boy.
They don’t believe in a higher power.
One is big and heavy and one is a little lighter.
Because they lactose
That was my wholemeal.
I mean I have daily sex I mean I have dyslexia
I’m a cashew
…I still love vista baby.
His name is Rick O’Shea.
The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it. The Buddhist asks “Where’s my change?” and the vendor replies “change must come from within”. A gun then extends from the Buddhist’s chest and he asks again. The vendor says “Whoa, man, where did that come from?” The Buddhist replies “This is my inner piece”.
He never returns home and the universe runs out of milk.
Nobody else knew until they found his head and shoulders in the glove box.
Turns out he was just playing peek-a-boo ICU
He drank his tea before it was cool 😎
At the Olympics I saw an athletic guy carrying a long stick and asked him, “Are you a pole vaulter?”
He looked surprised and said, "Nein, I am a German. But how did you know my name is Walter?"
He said, "Height, width, and length."
It was a total naan starter.
I told her, no, but I wouldn't mind playing with the box they came in.
She says, "My mom died." He told her to go home, but she said, "No, I'll be fine." Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, "What's wrong?" She replies, "I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!"
She still isn't talking to me.
Because you can't see in the dark.
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Ba Dum Tss
“All those getting off, go on fuck off, and all those gettin on fucking hurry up” The woman smacks his bum and sends him upstairs till he’s learned his lesson. 2 hours later the boy comes back down, says sorry to his mum and carries on playing, Mum listens in: ”all those departing thank you for travelling with us and have a good day! All those boarding, mind the gap and have a safe journey!…And all those who are upset by the 2 hour delay, blame the fat cunt in the kitchen!