Google is your friend
Apparently, the correct term is conjoined twins…
which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
"No, I only drink when someone else is paying."
I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?” He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”
A prick I’m deeply sorry
which makes him the first President whose age surpassed his IQ.
A man dies and he’s able to be in heaven and in hell for 1 day so he could choose which he likes best.
And heaven was boring as fuck and hell was a 24/7 hookers and blow non stop party. So the next day he goes back to st Peter? And says, "nah.. I'm going to stay in hell" and when he goes back down with the devil it's all torture and Sulphur and fire and brimstone and he goes to the devil and says "what the fuck?? Where are the hookers and blow? The dj and pools?" and the devil responds…. "well, that's the difference between being a tourist and being an immigrant"
21st century: your vacuum cleaner makes no noise, your AC makes no noise, your washing machine makes no noise, your electric car makes no noise…
The city's street cleaning wagon is as noisy as Apollo 11 taking off
I'm quite font of her.
RIP Larry Tesler, the UI designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74
He was medaling in other people’s affairs.
Some elderly lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.
Doing your homework while the teacher is marking it
No text found
The red flags were everywhere.
Follow the dog and you'll get a free purse or wallet.
It was a brief case.
Said the shower head.
Such a random way to start a conversation.
The length of the pause.
so I can watch it with my family.
No one listened. But he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre
I had grave concerns
Personally, I think it’s a fair price toupee.
But none of them work.
One is big and heavy and one is a little lighter.
Remains to be seen.
Really hope that it isn’t Christopher Robin my house
I can’t believe I lost the Rock’s Paper Scissors…
Where the fuck is my roof?
It is my jingle bell rock.