Because he was married
It was a third degree burn
…I still love vista baby.
The damage is expected to be about 50 square blocks
Cause imma need a blindfold to hit that.
Somebody's gonna lose their trailer.
It was an iDivorce
That was not a good sign.
Wife: whatever means necessary. Me: No it doesn't.
A Frenchman, and Englishman, and a Soviet are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
The Frenchman says, “They must be French, they’re naked and they’re eating fruit.” The Englishman says, “Clearly, they’re English; observe how politely the women is offering fruit to the man.” The Soviet replies, “No, they are Russian communists, of course. They have no house, nothing to wear, little to eat, and they think they are in Paradise.
You can hide but you can't run.
One day, someone asked him where the medical building was, Fred replied, "it's over there and to the left. I do research on the brain in there." Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.
I’m on a plane and the lunch choices are white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I’m seated in the last row.
I’m hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.
It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
Thou shall not COVID thy neighbor's house
I havent seen him since 2005
It gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had…
He said, "So you know how we tend to finish each others' sentences?"
I told him it’s between 8am and 1pm
Way to leave me hanging guys
We really need to raise the bar
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."
Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.
Three dads are stranded on a boat drifting in the middle of the ocean. They begin to accept the inevitable and they all agree to smoke one last cigarette together before succumbing to starvation and dehydration. They open up the last pack of cigarettes to find the final four cigarettes. As they hold the cigarettes in their mouth, they quickly realize they have no way to light them. Each of them sit in silence puzzling over the situation they find themselves in. Finally one dad exclaims he has a solution, he takes the last cigarette out of the pack and toss it overboard. He then says to the other two dads “Now the whole boat is a cigarette lighter!”.
What would confuse the guys that build our app the most? IE 5.5 for Mac? Mosaic 0.9 on a PlayStation? An LG fridge?
You're an eighth theist
I guess there’s no need to try pot roast.