About two Brazilian
Backwards it spells "gnihton", which also means nothing.
RIP Larry Tesler, the UI designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74
Because there’s more birds on that side.
Blunt force trauma.
Because they’re good at it.
A non-prophet one
A pirate goes to the doctor and say, “I have moles on me back aaarrrghh”
The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign" Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten!"
I enjoy a little Lyme with my Corona
“In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative.” But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”
What is the best type of pan to cook fish in? A CAST iron pan. Get it? Because you have to cast for fish. I thought it was super cute!
I, foolishly, named my daughter Daenerys before seeing how Game of Thrones ended. But you live and you learn.
Now to take a big sip of coffee, sit down with my son, Judas, and read about how things worked out for this Jesus fella.
Instead of going to the beach, many mathematicians are dividing the opposite side of a right triangle over the adjacent side
They say it's a better way to get a tan.
Then fat babies must be delivered by a crane.
A nervous wreck
I called the doctor “My wife is going into labor! What should I do?” “Is this her first child?” he asked.
"No, this is her husband."
So I put in a re-straining order.
He saw the salad dressing.
I guess I am putting words in her mouth.
Im beside myself
…they take dumplings.
They couldn't find another man of his caliber.
One is a crusty bus station, and one is a busty crustacean.
“robin, get in the batmobile”
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back." "That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" Johnny said: "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."
I always knew he liked them young, but that is fucking ridiculous.
Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume? Me: That’s when I went to Yale… Interviewer: That’s impressive. You are hired.
Me: Thanks. I really need this Yob.
I call it a homie-hoe-stasis.
It was great, but I can’t work out why I was the only naked person there.
at the ol factory
She is very good in bringing up old shit.
I had them tested and one came back positive. Google says it’s terminal.