Guess what I did in Asia.
I’ve had a stiff neck all day
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
Doctor: That’s not how ADHD works. “But I keep losing my Focus!”
But every time I bring it up, she smoothly changes the topic.
When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.
A retired boxer goes to see his doctor because he’s having trouble sleeping. “Have you tried counting sheep?” the doctor asks.
“I tried,” the boxer explains, “but every time I get to the number nine I stand up.”
Just in case a black person is breaking in. I wouldn’t want to offend them.
Restaurant in peace
A LAWYER is getting out of his BMW when a semi rolls by, taking the open door clean off. A nearby cop has seen all of this, and runs over.
The lawyer immediately starts screaming and gesticulating about the value of his beamer and how much it’s going to cost him to get it fixed. The cop loses his patience and says, “You lawyers are so materialistic. All you care about is money!” The lawyer is incensed and says, “How dare you call me materialistic? Do you know what I earn an hour? You have no idea what kind of pressure I’m under!” The cop says, “Well, you’re so concerned about your beamer, you didn’t notice the truck took your arm off at the elbow.” The lawyer looks down and screams “Fuck! My rolex!”
They're so full of themselves…
The girl replied, “Thanks for the Baghdad”
Dad: "No the regular kind."
“How long do you have to do that for?” I asked. “When is he too old for it?” “Well, it’s a physical bond between a mother and her child isn’t it? It’s only the society that deems it unacceptable above a certain age.” “Yeah, shut up Joe – I was talking to your mother.”
only a fraction of people will get this joke
… it was Anonymoose
I asked who got papers, and they took off running.
They soaked it in water and it became a laughing stock.
That's not funny.
He wakes up in the hospital with the nurse right next to him. The guy asks if he'll be ok, and the nurse replies with yes. The nurse asks "You'll need to pay for your stay here, which comes to about 20 grand. Do you have enough money?" The guy replies "No, unfortunately, money is tight for me." The nurse asks "well do you have any relatives that could help you pay?" The guy says "No, my only living relative is my sister. She's an un-married nun." The nurse interrupts and says "Actually, nuns are married to God." The guys goes "Ok then, send the bill to my brother-in-law."
They are already experts at recycling.
The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.
Since it was so rare to be hit even once, he (or she, since I don't want people to get offended) was quite shocked about it all.
Because it is cheaper
Cause imma need a blindfold to hit that.
So I packed up my things and right
More on this after the break.
The second hand store
They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts…