Because it gets smaller with every mistake I make
If it were served warm it would be justwater
Life before that is a blur.
“A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, ‘First offender?’
She says, 'No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!'"
Is this stool taken?
his parents just died
I asked if she wanted it pasteurized. She said, "No, up to my tits is fine."
He doesn’t want to be spotted
2B or not 2B
In other words, his manufacturer's warranty is up.
If generosity was the only criteria required for heaven all halogens would be in hell
But alas John came fifth, so he won the toaster.
..they both belong in a pen….
A chemical warehouse was robbed at gunpoint, the assailants cleaned out all stores of substances with pH above 7.
"All your base are belong to us"
She must have called in thick
I know he meant well
“Houston, we have a problem.” What? “Never mind” What’s the problem? “Nothing” Please tell us? “You know what the problem is.”
A pregnant woman who is expecting triplets walks into a bank, while she is in there a robber walks in and shouts for everyone to get down on the ground, the woman is too slow so the man shoots her 3 times and runs away from the scene. The woman survives, and the doctor told her that in 12 years, each of her children will have to pass the bullet. So in 12 years, her 1st son walks up to her and says ‘mum I’ve just peed out a bullet’ so she tells him the story.Her Daughter then walks up and says the same, so again the mother tells the story.Then her 3rd son walks up to her and says ‘mum you’ll never guess what’ which she replies with ‘let me guess you peed out a bullet’ which he replies with ‘no, I was masturbating and I shot the dog’.
You just add a G, and it’s gone.
Me:Well that makes two of us
that is, until he… scrubbed it!!!