Guy on the right: I’d like to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage. Old man: Look her up on Instagram and give her some likes.
I hate jokes that rely on visual imagery…
I’ve had it right up to here with them!
What did the Nazi dentist say on reddit?
Thanks for the gold kind stranger! Edit:Thanks for the gold kind stranger!
I just need dad joke enthusiasts to know that the International Poultry Meat Congress is held in Turkey this year.
http://www.poultrymeatcongress.com
My deaf girlfriend just told me “I think we need to talk.”
That’s not a good sign.
READ BEFORE POSTING: Memeless Monday is now in effect!
Memeless Mondays are now in effect, a system we’ve created that will hopefully improve content quality on the subreddit (at least for some part of the week).For the duration of this day, all image jokes must only use OC meme templates or not use any template at all (i.e. not be a meme).We won’t check for OC very thoroughly – if it can’t be found on the first page of a google search using keywords and it isn’t a quick edit of an existing template, you’re probably fine.All posts made which break the above criterion will be removed; no strikes will be administered for this violation.Memeless Mondays end at 12AM EDT on Tuesday. If you have any concerns or changes you feel would improve this system, please send them via modmail. Thanks!
The government denied tax exemption for my church that believes Jesus spoke with a lisp
It was a real slap in the faith.
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying?
"Are you having a crisis?"
What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he saw a thunderstorm?
Looks like reindeer!!
If you ever think times are tough, just imagine being a pig.
Two out of three little ones have no household.
NSFW Girl to her friend: Do you know how many calories there are in a load of cum?
Friend: Sweetie, if you're swallowing enough to worry about it, no one will care if you're a little chubby.
I hate when people ask me where i see myself in 1 year
I don’t know I don’t have 2020 vision
I’m great at pulling out! Just ask my kids…
Not a single one of them has gotten pregnant yet!
Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian
It was the least I could have done for him.
Target suggesting I travel over 4500 miles to buy my daughter a $200 bike today.
https://ift.tt/2Y0PiPb
Anti-joke warning
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers. Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done. Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
Set your WiFi password to 24446666688888888
…so when someone asks what your password is, just tell them it’s: 12345678.
Why do chicken coupes have 2 doors and not 4?
http://bit.ly/2ECQ4Zh
Just lost my job as a zookeeper
In my defence there were signs everywhere saying "please don't feed the animals"
![[OC] I’m so sorry](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/wi5qdkkwvuv21-400x331.jpg)
It’s confirmed . Fresh cow dung can stop corona
Dip both your hands in fresh cow dung before going out. This will make sure that a) you will not touch your eyes, nose, ear or mouth. b) nobody will shake hands with you. c) Nobody will come near you when you are out in the streets. d) You will wash your hands thoroughly before you eat.
I don’t know if this qualifies but I laughed when I first saw it and now it makes me sad…
https://ift.tt/2SRCrwy
My 6 year old made this up while taking his bath…
Knock knock Who's there? Dwayne Dwayne who? Dwayne the tub before I dwown.
I warned my daughter about using her whistle inside and gave her one last chance…
Unfortunately, she blew it!
My roommate snapped a pic of me during my office’s virtual March Birthday Party…
https://ift.tt/2UhY4oD
According to Greek Mythology, Chiron was a half-human, half-horse doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
Sign on the espresso machine said, “Coffeemaker not hot.”
So I wrote, "But has a great personality."
