Guys I really want to break up with my Jazz musician girlfriend but I can’t
The Sax is too good
.. p and a.
…but back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.
Because its cheaper
So I packed my stuff up and right
It’s parents were in a jam.
I heard they’re gonna give them a really tough sentence
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
It was really time consuming
They notice some men in suits moving frantically around a drowning man. The three teenagers jump in and save the drowning person only to realize that it’s President Trump. Once everyone has recovered, the President thanks them for saving him. He offers each teenager one wish within his powers. The first teenager says that his father was wrongfully convicted and now sits on death row. Everyone knows it, but all of his appeals have been used up. His one wish is to have his father pardoned. Trump asks the kid for the name of his father and the pardon will be put through. The second teenager wants nothing more than to attend a military academy, like many other members of his family, but his grades aren’t good enough. Trump has the teenager give his information to one of the Secret Service agents and he’ll get into the academy of his choice. The third teenager asks to be buried at Arlington National Cemetery. Trump points out that this is a very unusual request. One of his friends is trying to save his father and the other wants to serve his country. Why is he asking for something so morbid? The teenager replies, “When my parents find out I saved you, they’re going to kill me.”
The guy sitting next to him says, "Whoa, easy there buddy." The drunk says, "Are you a lawyer?" "No, I'm a thief" says the guy.
Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think
The only issue is I’m having trouble finding the right audience.
Tell him Obama put it in
It would be an udder disaster
Ask your mother
Cause imma need a blindfold to hit that.
Two test tickles.
Zero school shootings so far this year.
It's pointless. But, anyway. You gotta draw the line somewhere, or else people will think you're being irrational. But that is beside the point.
6:30pm Canada is now testing the vaccine for coronavirus
Thanks for nothing!
Your pupils. They dilate.
So i packed up my things and right
Nasa is making a new earth, suggestions for new earth ??
Why does Batman wear dark colors? Thats easy, Batman doesent want to get shot. Why does Robin wear bright colors?
Thats easy… Batman doesent want to get shot.
I don't know, I just like meth and feta memes.
I will find you. You have my Word.
The same thing Arkansas.