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They wouldn’t let me buy anything specifically.
Watson asks, "Where did you get so many lemons?" Holmes replies, "A lemon tree, Watson.."
Batman: Of course not. Robin: Batshampoo? Batman: Okay, yes there is that. Robin:……… Batman: But there is also Conditioner Gordon
Threw the blue shell in Mario Kart while I was already in first place to remember what it's like to get hit from behind.
I dont know how someone could stoop so low.
None, he “fell”
He got a Nobel prize.
Hearing aids! When do we want them! Hearing aids!
Nothing, they fast
That percentage is zero. That's a good percentage of Nazi friends to have.
Do. Do hash. Do hash browns. Do hash browns sound good. Do hash browns sound good.
It's pasteurized before you know it.
The librarian points him towards the non-friction section.
A small arms dealer!
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
He refused to eat or drink anything. He swore at everyone and covered his room with his own shit. After that, we never played Monopoly again.
When it becomes apparent.
“No son, have you seen my dad glasses?”
Thankfully, turns out it's in my blood. I come from a long line of Fathers.
I am getting over it, slowly.
Does that make him a jolly rancher?
He says he can't complain.
Its fucking FROZEN!
A mathematician came home and told his wife, “sorry honey, but I’m leaving you for my 18 year old assistant. I’ll be home in a few hours and I’d like for you to be gone.”
He got back home and found a note that read,” hi honey, I’ve left and decided to run off with the 18 year old pool boy. We are both 54 years old, and I think you’ll figure out as a mathematician that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18.”
Ah well..back to it I suppose
A pain in the ass…
My dad didn't beat cancer
Woke up exhausted.
A private tutor.
Wife: (sobbing) You can't do this to me! Husband: I know that's why I am doing it with her!
It's called Facebook
I would like to thank my legs for always supporting me. And I would like to thank my fingers because I can always count on them.
…"Do you mind if I sit beside you?” The girl replied with a loud voice, "NO, I DON 'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!" All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy 's table and said, "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?” The guy then responded with a loud voice, “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT 'S WAY TOO MUCH!” All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy stood and whispered in her ear, "I study law, and I know how to screw people."