Had to wright a paragraph about this photo for my online english class today…
A boy and his father are walking through the woods. The boys asks, "Father do trees poop?" The father looks at the boy and says "Of course, that's where #2 pencils come from."
So they can let me down one last time.
I just noticed two large bumps on my car battery. Had them tested and one came back positive. Hope it's not terminal.
No text found
Because they're so good at it.
A midget walks into a brothel with a honeycomb under his arm and a donkey following closely behind. He asks the head mistress for a woman for the evening as his wife had left him. She says "sure thing but I gotta ask, what's with the honeycomb and the donkey?". He says "well, my wife found a genie's lamp and her first wish was a home fit for a queen and she ended up with a honeycomb. Then she asked for the nicest ass ever and so she got this very well behaved donkey". The mistress asks about the third wish and the midget says she wished I had a dick that hung past my knee. She says "well that doesnt sound so bad". "It wouldn't be that bad except I used to be 6' 3".
It must have been something I said
The plot thickens
But I laugh harder
I receive a ping 3 miles away as I’m approaching the ping I get a text “ honk your horn excessively until I come outside when you get to xxx address I’ll tip $20”. So I pull up to the pin and start blowing my horn for a solid min. My passenger comes out looking a little annoyed he gets in and we head to his destination. We pull up to his house and his dad is standing outside waiting for him, he greets him and asked how his ride was, he said the drive was great but the fucker blew his horn non stop until I came outside. His dad said that’s weird and handed me a $20.
Mice krispies. I’ll see myself to the door now
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich have horses.
Oh how the stables have turned.
A un-aware wolf
It was sole crushing.
Whether they like it or not.
Apparently that’s not how you grade exams.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It’s just 99 cents a word." Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'” The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?" The brunette explains, "My sister’s blonde. She’ll read it slow."
Tom: holding a cup Do it to my tea! Magician: waves hand Done! om: holding a cup It didn't work
I like to remind her that most lottery winners blow their winnings.
When you replace the b with a d
Because they cantaloupe. Courtesy of me sick and loopy at the grocery store.
We're losing $1 for every $.79 women are losing
My friend said, “Congratulations on your new job! How did you get it?” I replied, “The same way the Virgin Mary got Jesus.” He laughed, “What? A miracle?!”
I whispered, "No. Sex that I can't tell anyone about."
I was talking with fiance out getting married and he said he wasn’t excited about being called husbands.
But he though that wife had a nice ring to it.
Now I see it everywhere.
…it would become a pomegranite.
and name it ElonGates.
Sometimes he laughs.
It's very refreshing.
It's all fingering.
To get to the other sidekick.
I’m excited to see how they turn out!
Just don’t pick it up.