Because they lactose
..instead we say 'quatre-vingt dix neuf' which translates as 'we don't have a functional numerical system'
He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
Jokes on him, I don't have a roommate.
we just clicked
I have 2020 vision.
The more ohms you have, the greater the resistance.
A hockey player showers after three periods.
But it was just my imagine Asian.
When it becomes apparent.
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An old pilot is telling some schoolchildren about his days in the airforce. He says, “so there were 3 fuckers to the right of me, 1 fucker behind me and 2 fuckers to my left”. The teacher interrupts, “you see children, the Fokker was a German plane”.
The pilot replies, "that may be, but these fuckers were in Messerschmidts".
It's always "Is Pepsi ok ?"
Teach a redditor a joke, and they will repost it for a lifetime. It's cake and y'all know the rules!
she kept you
Out of nowhere a ball comes flying in and hits him. The man doubles over cursing and clutching his hands tightly to his crotch. His friends giggle at his misfortune as a woman comes running over apologizing. "Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry. I didn't see you gentleman when I teed off!" The man red in the face wincing in pain is obviously not impressed by her apology. The woman goes on and explains "luckily I am a nurse. Maybe I could feel around and check to make sure everything is ok?". The man replies exasperated "sure sure do whatever, owww". So the nurse drops to her knees pulls the man's pants down and begins to massage his testicles checking for damage. "And how is that, any better?" she asks. To which the man replies: "Well it feels great but I still think my fucking thumb is broken!"
One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
It scares the shit out of their dogs.
Grimes: Do you ever notice that X Æ A-12 doesn’t have that distinct baby smell? Elon: Yea, he’s got a certain musk to him.
The bartender asks "How the hell did you do that ?"
The dad said," They are made at a mint with a press". Then the child responded," That makes cents".
And to hell with anyone who doesn’t believe me.
Then I was born
A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window. “What seems to be the problem?” asked the bee. “I’m out of petrol,” the man replied. The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out. ”Try it now,” said the bee. The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. “Wow,” the man exclaimed. “What did you put in my petrol tank?” “BP,” answered the bee.
If you set a man on fire he will be warm for the rest of his life.
And then Samsung.
Also why is water so fuckin scary?
It’s pretty nuts.
Saw a couple today talking to their husky. Intelligent dog, don't get me wrong, but do they seriously think he understands everything he is told? I came home and told my cat all about it, we laughed our asses off!
"I either want to be a pizza delivery guy, or a pool skimmer" ………………. I think the little bastard found my porn stash.
20, 20, 20, and 20.
A literalist takes things literally and a kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
A grape wakes up in an Australian hospital, and asks, "Did you bring me here to die?" The nurse replies, "Nah mate, we brought you here yesterday."