Haha he’s cheating
But it's the tallest buildings that have the most stories
“They just seem really shady.”
A man went into a toy store and ripped the arms off of every teddy bear in the store. Why did the judge let him go free?
He had the right to bear arms.
A plane bagel
You console it.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Trouble is, none of them work.
I thought, "How useless is that? July is ages away."
He hated the juice.
A nervous wreck
I just did and apparently I will not be allowed on this airline again!
But apparently, I was too young…
A) No B) A little C) Señor
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They are both way bigger than me and there are two of them. It's not fair.
Mom: You want to be a WHAT? Daughter: Prostitute. Mom: Oh thank God. I thought you said Protestant.
I bet she won't touch my X- box again !
Just boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later!!
(That’s it. That’s the joke)
Something terrible is about to happen I can feel it
But it is graphs where I draw the line.
He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp. Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However, because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss." So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appeared in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account. For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lambergini, Ferrari and Porsche appeared. At the same time two of each car appeared outside of his boss' house. Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully," and to this the man replied, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney…"
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She asked me to move out with her.
A senior figure secretly dispensing the contents of his sack for every child he can get to sounds pretty Catholic to me.
An Eskimo brings his friend to his home for a visit. When they arrive, his friend asks, puzzled – “So where’s your igloo?” – The friend replies “Oh no, I must’ve left the iron on…”
129 bugs in the code.
"Fellas! My pussy is so big that I'll give $100 to anyone who has something that I can't take." A big cowboy gets up and takes off his size 16 cowboy boots and shoves them into her pussy. The boots are sucked right in. He grabs a flashlight and, that too, is sucked in. He puts his face in between her legs to get a better look and he gets sucked in. Inside he hears noises. "Is someone else in here?" he asks. "Yeah, I've been in here for a week," the voice says. "Help me find my flashlight and we can get out of here," the cowboy says. "Hell," says the other man, "help me find my keys and we can drive out."