Haha Naked Lady Haha
My wife just complained I wasn’t listening and walked out of the room
Weird way to start a conversation.
We all know the show is called spongebob squarepants
But Patrick is the star
I’ve been happily married for ten whole years.
And ten out of thirty isn’t bad.
A cowboy walks into a saloon and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”
"Nope." he replies. "I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically." The lady says, "What's it telling you now?" "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!" The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast."
I made a club about erectile dysfunction.
It was a flop, nobody came.
Idk how/why I thought of this😂
Idk how/why I thought of this😂
When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, “Ha! That’s not going to help!”
“Sure, it does.” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
2 pilots meet
300 people died
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl urinate?
Because they have been extinct for millions of years.
Why can’t Severus Snape be a herbology teacher?
He can’t keep the lilies alive.
Wanna hear a joke about construction?
Wait, I’m still working on it.
Whats ET short for
It’s because his legs are little
A lawyer’s trick . . .
A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,” the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom.” He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally the lawyer said, “Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty.” The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty. “But how?” inquired the lawyer. “You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door.” The jury foreman replied: “Oh, we did look, but your client didn’t.”
Welcome back to the plastic surgery addicts support group
I'm seeing a lot of new faces here and I must say I'm very disappointed…
A nice change of pace from all the other times I’ve been fucked because of assembly
https://ift.tt/2X1nWIu
“Excuse me,” I said to the woman sat in front of me on the bus, “You have some semen on the back of your jacket.”
"I'm sure it's not semen," she said, "It's probably just yogurt." "It's definitely semen," I said, "I don't ejaculate yogurt"
Wait for me honey, I’m just finishing my make-up.
You don’t need make-up. Aww, that is so sweet of you! You need plastic surgery.
A year ago when I joined Reddit I threw a boomerang to celebrate
I now live in constant fear
I had a cracker for lunch.
First square meal I've had in days.
Did you know that diarrhea is genetic?
It runs in your jeans
What do you call the sweat created from sex in Alabama?
Relative humidity.
No Kidding Only Coding, A funny satirical article on daily dilemma of an Indian Parent
https://ift.tt/3h1Ha88
I was shocked when my doctor told me all my fingers were broken after my accident.
It was hard to grasp.
I met an atheist who worked for a charity the other day..
She said it was a non-prophet organization.