Haha orbits go brrr
Shout out to the guy that makes these sausages
In my heart, he'll always be a wiener
What kind of school do belly buttons go to?
Navel academies.
Why did donald trump throw the sick eagle out of USA?
Because it was an illeagle.
Two English tourists were driving through Wales.At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch they asked the waitress: āBefore we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument.Can you pronounce where we are,very,very,slowly?”
The girl leaned over and said: āBurrrā¦ gurrrā¦ King.ā
A lady comes home from her doctor’s
A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."
I’ve been accused of being a plagiarist.
Their words, not mine.
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus asks for a table for 26. The head waiter says, āBut thereās only 13 of you.ā Jesus says, āYeah, but weāre all going to sit on the same side.ā
What is Beethovenās favourite fruit?
Ba na na na
At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he thought that he’d be around for his 104th.
"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."
As I slipped my finger inside her hole….
I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter. I took my finger back out and within seconds she was going down on me. "I really need a new boat", I thought to myself.
Did you know chickens die after sex?
Well, at least that's been my experience so far.
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
He didn't want to be spotted
An elderly, forgetful couple . . .
A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. So during a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen ?' he asks.Ā Ā Ā Ā 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'Ā Ā Ā Ā 'Sure.'Ā Ā Ā Ā 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.Ā Ā Ā Ā 'No, I can remember it.'Ā Ā Ā Ā 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too.Ā Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?' He says, 'I can remember that.Ā You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'Ā Ā Ā Ā 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?', she asks.Ā Ā Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got it, for goodness sake!'Ā Ā Ā Ā Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.Ā She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast?'
Why do Native Americans hate April?
Because April showers bring May Flowers, and Mayflowers bring white people.
āDad, can you explain to me what entropy means?ā
āSure. Let me tell you, it isnāt what it used to be.ā
If all people were like Redditors, we would have a better planet
BecauseĀ RecyclingĀ old shit is what Redditors do best . P.S.A – Do recycle ā»
I just took an online IQ test…
"404" sounds pretty fucking high!
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet,
It's a good thing I'm married…
Top 3 invisible things
1) 2) 3)
All countries eventually got coronavirus
But China got it right off the bat.
i just invented a new word
its called Plagiarism
A patient bursts into his therapist’s office and shouts, “Doc, you gotta help me. I keep dreaming that I’m trapped in a deck of cards!”
The therapist turns from his current patient and says, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."
My daughter wanted a bouncy castle for her birthday. The guy said the rental was $50, and the set-up fee was $1000 dollars.
I said, āThatās outrageous!ā He just shrugged and said, āThatās inflation for you.ā
My wife just said “You weren’t even listening, were you?”
I thought that's a weird way to start a conversation