Haha PewDiePie now you have to upvote
It's not like it's the end of the world
If you’re hot blooded, they’ll check it and see.
So when someone asks, tell them it's 12345678
Dad: No I got shot in the leggy.
25 years later they started talking about everything in life they missed out on. Never getting a drivers license, to their first drink at 21, or even having sex. So they all decided they would go to their priest and ask if they can have 1 day off from being a nun. As this is a weird request the priest says “Yes, only if each one of you do something bad.” They all agree and off their separate ways. When the first nun comes back the priest asks her about her day. And she tells him all about how amazing it was driving around in a Ferrari. Stumped upon how she was driving a Ferrari he asks the nun how she was able to drive a Ferrari. She responds “You told me to do something bad. So I robbed a bank and bought a Ferrari.” In shock the priest told her to go drink some holy water to cleanse herself. And just as he starting to catch his breathe the second nun comes back. And she instantly starts telling him how great her day at the beach was wearing a bikini. And the priest feeling responsible now asks how she got the bikini. She responds ”I had to drown a lady to get it.” The priest baffled by what he just heard again tells her to drink the holy water to cleanse herself of the horrific crime she committed. The last nun walks in and tells the priest she had a great day just walking around the park. And he knew he had to ask. “Did you do anything bad?” She responds calmly “No, not really, I just peed in the holy water before I left.”
“Yes… but I’ve had some sevens and eights.” She replied.
They just pick it up as they go along.
And damn I looked good back then.
He's a seasoned veteran.
It hurt like hell, but my farts smell great.
A guy is talking to a girl : "Everytime I see your smile, I want to take you to my place" "Oh ! You think I'm pretty ?" "No, I'm a dentist."
Must have a hard time sneaking out to the pub without the wife noticing.
She walked up to me, hands behind her back.. "Check it out, dad! This is really funny looking!" "What? Lemme see…" And the little shit holds up a mirror to my face, giggling her head off. Payback is a bitch, little girl….
I said "6' 2", but good guess."
British English: I think you're having problem understanding these words. American English: no u
The hip replacement guy
It's much easier to fall when I'm awake.
Me: Why? Doctor: Because it's distracting.
There is too much sax and violins in it
I'm just not very good at it.
Math puns make me number
It scares the shit out of the dog.
My neighbor came at me really aggressively, asking if I knew anything about her underwear disappearing from her clothes line.
I can tell you I nearly shit her pants
Strong, Irish, and at least 18 years old.