Hahahaha ha…. Rape.
I went to a premature ejaculator’s support group today.
Turns out I came early.
Someone broke into my place and stole my limbo stick.
Just how low can some people go?
Student: Are āwellā and āactuallyā both single-syllable words?
Teacher: Well yes , but actually no
At first I disliked parasites
But later on they grew on me
Monsters arenāt usually good at math
Unless you count Dracula.
I thought my son was spending way too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, “Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.”
He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."
I wish I could clean mirrors for a living
Its just something I could see myself doing
My twin brother and I finally got a barber appointment and decided to shave off our Corona Beards.
He chose the electric clippers, but I got the straight blade. Despite being twins, we were razed differently.
Whatās E.T. short for?
Because heās got little legs.
The secret service isnāt allowed to say āget down!ā Anymore
Now they have to say, āDonald, duck!ā
Damn girl are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every fucking day.
I’ve asked so many people what the abbreviation LGBTQA+ stands for.
I never get a straight answer.
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
Which Disney Park ride has the most area for people to wait?
Space Mountain.
I just had an half hour argument with my 5 year old about the importance of wearing pants in public, and she won.
So today Iām wearing pants to take her to school.
Dragon 1: Honey, I picked up some knights for dinner on my way home.
Dragon 2: Dear, you know I hate canned food!
Why didnāt the lifeguard save the hippy?
Because he was too far out man
I found out that missing eyebrows is an odd genetic trait in our family.
Dad didn't look surprised when I told him.
When I was growing up, my dad always used to tell me, “The sky is the limit”
He was never supportive of my dreams of becoming an astronaut.
![[Parody] Competitive Programming](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/no_image_card-155-400x247.png)
A racist man walks into a bar…
He sees a black man sitting casually at the side, and is disgusted by the sight of him. He then waves to the bartender and says, "I'd like to order a beer for everyone here except the black guy." As everyone else is treated to a beer, he looks back at the black man in hopes of getting a reaction out of him. The black man still sits casually, this time with a smile on his face. Confused and annoyed, the racist man waves again to the bartender and says, "another round for everyone except that same man." As everyone else enjoys their second beer, the racist man looks back again at the black man, who is still smiling. visibly angered, the racist man calls the bartender over a third time and orders a another round of beer for everyone except the black man. He then looks at the black man one more time, and sees him laughing. Furious, he rushes back to the bartender, points at the black man and asks, "Okay, what the hell is up with this guy?" The bartender then replies, "Oh, you didn't know? He owns this place."
![Home made 4D cinema [NSFW]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/2v2x88ohi6941-400x583.jpg)
A married couple was in a terrible accident…
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you." "My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
My girlfriend left me because I stole her wheelchair…
but I knew she'd come crawling back.
My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex.
My girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
I recently fucked my best friend after my girlfriend dumped me.
I donāt know wtf I was doing fucking a guy but I obviously wasnāt thinking straight
When two people have sex it’s called a two-some, when three people have sex it’s a threesome
Guess that's why my dad calls me handsome.
A man buys a lie detecting robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it at dinner one night. He asks his son what he did that afternoon. Son: "I did some homework." The robot slaps the son. Son: "Ok, ok. I was at a friend's house watching a movie." Dad: "What movie did you watch?" Son: "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son. Son: "Ok, ok, we were watching porn." Dad: "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was." The robot slaps the father. Mom: "Well, at least this isn't a repost." The robot slaps the mother.