He started counting but he fell asleep.
This invention was ground breaking
But I got fired for taking a couple of days off.
A lumberjack walks into an enchanted forest. As he goes to chop down a tree, it calls out. “Wait, don’t chop me down. I’m a talking tree!”
The lumberjack smiles. "And you will dialogue."
“Houston, we have a problem.” What? “Never mind” What’s the problem? “Nothing” Please tell us? “You know what the problem is.”
So I moved the modem to the barn. Now I have stable Wi-Fi!
My bosses tie
You can hide but you can’t run
It has grown on me
Asking for a friend.
OMG!!!!!! BREATHE!!!!!!!!! BREATHE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Slaves are given food and housing.
Drop it in water… If it sinks: girl ant If it floats…..
The longest sentence is ‘I do.’
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Something inside me says yes
I haven’t heard from him since
I never got a straight answer.
Excuse me, doctor – my husband was rushed in with violent spasms in his buttocks. Where is he please?
ICU baby, shaking that ass
[NSFW] I went for a job interview to become a blacksmith yesterday. The interviewer asked me if I’d ever shoed a horse.
I said no, but I once told a donkey to fuck off.
They just gave me a cold shoulder
It was a play on words.
Runs until Friday.
The Italian Lover, a virile middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman.
Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he fucked her senseless. After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, “So, you finish?” She paused for a second, frowned, and replied. “No.” Surprised, Guido reached for her and the fucking resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion. It finally ended and, again, Guido smiled and asked, “You finish?” Again, after a short pause, she returned his smile, cuddled closer to him and softly said, “No.” Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reached for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely managed it, but they ended together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido fell onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looked into her eyes, smiled proudly and asked again, “You finish?? Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispered in his ear… “No, I Norwegian.”
I only have my shelf to blame.