Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.
People asked him if he was hurt but he said he was 0K.
You could say it was a Soviet Reunion.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with wearing different clothes every half an hour.
I said, “Wait, I can change.”
Because he was feeling crumby.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke sir, you should know five things…. 1 – The bartender is a blonde girl. 2 – The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3 – I'm a 6 feet tall, 200-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4 – The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter. 5 – The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. Now think about it seriously Mister, do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and says, "Nah…. not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Around the world in eighty days.
The cashier said : “hardback?” I said: “yeah and little heads”
I was in Daniel…
…. Nobody knows.
When it becomes fully groan.
Please leave your nominations as replies to this thread. All other comments will be deleted.You can nominate any comment or post in the subreddit that was posted during this year.You can nominate multiple posts or comments, but please make a separate comment for each.Make sure you directly link to the post or comment you’re nominating, and not the content.
I guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
Cu Tips of to my classmate for telling me this
Call a girl fat once and she’ll always remember. Because elephants never forget Edit: Thanks for the upvotes, I needed this for a challenge on r/ModMurder
So I made her stand in front of a deep fat fryer.
They did unspeakable things to me.
Talk to your lock calmly because communication is key.
But it really went downhill fast.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey, that he entered it in the race again and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farm for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10 This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . . even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and just cover your own !!! You'll be a lot happier and live longer!
No text found
They're thick and tired of it
I made up the first part of the phrase so it would not hurt me that much.
Is a non-prophet organization
“Are you having a crisis ?”
Because it’s the first time he’s gotten the most votes.
Three: the left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.
It was his final Legacy.
Your pupils. They dilate.
They said, “If your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”
I never got a straight answer.
It’s really gotten out of hand.
We really have gone bat, shit, crazy.
And he saw the kid eating a lot of chocolate, pack after pack… So the man asked the kid: do you think it's healthy for you eating all that chocolate? So the kid answered: My grandpa died at 100 years old -And you think it's because he ate chocolate? -No, it's because he minded his own business.
But let me give it a shot.
You take away its broom.