Happy new year
So they threw one into the sea and the whole boat became a cigarette lighter.
I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said “Have a good day, son”
"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad." He scratched his head. "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"
He got the axe after making a cutting remark about some dead wood.
Nurse: which doctor? Me: No, just the regular one
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
Sorry, I can't tell you.
He is basically a giant banner.
Add btomine to uranium and hydrogen to get Br2UH ITS BRUH CHEMICAL
Put it on my bill!!
The father said: "Why, my son, it is a 'chechia.' In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.” "And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy. “Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father “It is very simple. This is a 'djbellah.' As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My djbellah protects the entire body." The son then asked: "But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?” "These are 'babouches' my son,” the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These babouches keep us from burning our feet." Son asks " what is that black tent mom and sister are wearing ?" Father :" It's called a burkha , it helps the hot desert sand from hitting the face during a sandstorm" . "So tell me then," added the boy. "Yes, my son…” "Why are we living in Birmingham and still wearing all this shit?
But that’s a whisk I’m willing to take
Because he did the bear minimum.
She said it rang a bell but wasn't sure if it was there or not.
I'm shitting bricks to be honest.
The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
A sentence has a pause at the end of the clause but a cat has claws at the end of its paws
It's pretty oak, eh.
So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
and discovers that his friend has turned into an arrangement of shapes closely fitted together, forming a repeated pattern without any gaps or over-lapping. “What happened?” he asks, mortified. “I came here to see if you were self-isolating and…” “Oh shucks!” said the friend, “I thought you told me to self-tesselate!”
They're always up to something.
He said “Genius”
Outlaws are wanted.
Pay him for the pizza.
The bartender asks him: “What’ll you have?” The man says: “Give me three pints of Guinness please.” So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they’re gone. He then orders three more. The bartender says: “Sir, I know you like them cold. You don’t have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I’ll bring you a fresh cold one.” The man says: “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we’re drinking together.” The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more. The bartender said to him: “I know what your tradition is, and I’d just like to say that I’m sorry that one of your brothers died.” The man said: “Oh, me brothers are fine – I just quit drinking.”
I just imagine Elon-Gate would be really drawn out….
One's a Corona Virus the other is a Verona Crisis.
Doctor: “I’m afraid you’ve got an umdiddleyumdiddleyumdiddley eye”