Hatred outweighs good …
“Dad, are we pyromaniacs?”
"Yes, we arson."
I know a great knock-knock joke, but you need to start it.
You: Ok, knock knock Me: Who's there? You: …? Me: 😃
I discovered red crayons in my girlfriends nurse uniform.
She said it's in case she has to draw blood.
Why does Santa has such a big sack?
Because he only comes once a year
A man dies and goes to hell.
There the devil tells him that there are different hells. He goes around checking to find the least painful one. First, he comes to the American hell. He asks the devil what is the punishment. The devil replies, "You have to lay on a bed of nails for 12 hours and then the American devil will whip you for another 12 hours." Then he comes to the Russian hell. He asks the devil what is the punishment. The devil replies, "You have to lay on a bed of nails for 12 hours and then the Russian devil will whip you for another 12 hours." He notices a long queue behind Chinese hell. He thought it would be easier and asks the devil what is the punishment. The devil replies, "You have to lay on a bed of nails for 12 hours and then the Chinese devil will whip you for another 12 hours." He asks why there are so many people behind it. The devil says, "Well, the bed of nails is made in China and will break within 1 hour." "And the devil?" The devil replies,"He has been coughing lately."
My last girlfriend left me because of my obsession with touching pasta.
Feeling cannelloni right now.
I just can’t stand those Russian nesting dolls.
They are so full of themselves.
Have you heard about corduroy pillows?!?
They are making headlines!!!
Two caterpillars are escaping a spider. They climb up a branch and get to the edge, but realize they are now trapped…
"Hold on tight!" says the first caterpillar and he quickly chews through the branch. It snaps and they begin to fall, but he grabs two protruding twigs and uses them to steer the branch through the air with grace and finesse. "That's amazing!!" says the second caterpillar. "How in the hell are you doing that?!" The first caterpillar scoffs. "Am I the only one in the whole damn forest who knows how to drive a stick!?"
![Guy on the floor robs the robber [Only in SA]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/no_image_card-130-400x247.png)
My wallet is like an onion
When I open it, it makes me cry.
All Americans are immigrants … especially from an East Asian (Siberian) Bloodline
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Jesus and Moses are golfing in a threesome.
Moses tees off first and uncorks a high sailing slice. The ball plops into the middle of a lake. Unperturbed, Moses walks to the edge of the lake, raises his club, and the waters part. Moses chips onto the green. Jesus tees off next. He blades a worm-burner that heads for the lake, skipping thrice and coming to rest on top of the water. Jesus walks out onto the water and chips onto the green. The third gentlemen hooks the everliving shit out of the ball. It goes into the road, gets hit by a car, ricochets across the fairway to the lake, is gobbled up by a frog, who is snatched by a stork. As the stork flies over the green, the frog spits out the ball, which rolls into the cup. Moses turns to Jesus and says: “I hate playing with your Dad.”
The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man’s wife…
Happy Mother's Day!
The pessimist sees a tunnel. The optimist a light a the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a train…
The train engineer sees three idiots on the railroad tracks.
What Thog say to man
Thog don’t care
What is GEN Z’s least favorite toy?
a BOOMERang. Ha.
I have a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
I have a complex complex complex
A bear walks into a bar.
He says to the bartender, "I'll have a………………beer." The bartender responds, "What's with the big pause?" The bear holds up his arms and says, "Always had 'em."
Bouncer?
Bouncer: "I'm going to have to ask you to leave." "Why?" "I don't know who you are and this is my trampoline."
Student: Are “well” and “actually” both single-syllable words?
Teacher: Well yes , but actually no
I saw an ad in a shop window, “Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full”, I thought
“I can't turn that down.”
Velcro is such a rip-off
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How do you get to the weight room at Hogwarts?
Through the Dumbell door.
My wife has evil lessons with Satan every week.
I don’t know how much she charges,
![AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I SURE HOPE SOMEONE GETS THIS SUPER COMPLEX JOKE HAHAHAH I’M FUCKING DEAD 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 [x-post /r/mathmemes]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/oa1acis08ht11-400x331.jpg)
Know what goes great with a Coronavirus?
Lime disease
Why do meremaids wear seashell bras?
Because B shells are too small and D shells are too big.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk?
The stock market.
My asshole neighbour came and rang my doorbell at 3am this morning….
Luckily I was still up playing my drums
What’s something only 10 year olds can do?
Turn 11. My kid asked me that question and they clearly had something else in mind, because she was less than enthusiastic about my response.
Why do HK police go to work early?
To beat the crowds.
A man rushes into the doctors’ office and screams, “Doctor, Doctor! I swallowed one of those ‘do not eat’ packets in a bag of pepperoni! Am I going to die?” The doctor tries to relax him by saying, “Well, everyone is going to die eventually.”
The man shrieks and responds, "Everyone?! Oh lord, what have I done?"
Genie: I will grant you 3 wishes.
Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way. Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does. Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth. Genie: You son of a ……..
What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?
Fat. You get fat. What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?
Why is japan the healthiest country in the world?
Because the last time they had a fat man 80,000 people died
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer
She always runs from the ball
Two goldfish are sitting in a tank…
One goldfish looks at the other and says: "Hey man, how the hell do you drive this thing?"
Putting air in your tires used to be free now its costs a dollar…
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