Have you ever tried blindfolded archery?
You don't know what you're missing!
I said “Don’t worry we’ll all be in the same boat”
It was pretty mindblowing.
His wife: You are late.You said you would be home by 11:45 pm. Man:(Casually) I said i would be home by a quarter of 12.
A man is showing his friend around his town. They pass a boy selling newspapers on the side of the road.
The man nudges his friend and says, "See that kid? He's got to be the stupidest kid in the whole wide world. Watch this." He walks up to the kid as his friend watches, and holds out a five dollar and a ten dollar bill. "Hey kid, pick one." The kid looks between the notes and eventually takes the five dollar bill. The man laughs and pockets the other note and walks back to his friend, still laughing. "See what I mean?" he says, shaking his head. "Every damn time. Stupid kid never learns." His friend is puzzled, but doesn't say anything. Later in the evening he decides to take a stroll alone and spots the boy again. Curiosity overcomes him, and he goes over and asks, "Hey kid, why do you keep taking the five dollar bill every time?" "Because, mister, the day I take the ten dollar bill, the game ends."
They will tell you.
Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way. Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does. Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth. Genie: You son of a ……..
“Euripides?” says the tailor. “Yeah, Eumenides?” replies the man.
I can't stop coming to conclusions
"Like a boycott?" "Don't you start"
Because they got rid of the plaques. (This one popped into my head getting into the shower. Crap, it’s early.)
They might spike the punch.
I've been having a hard time recalling it sofa.
We know this because they all loudly announced it within the first 30 seconds.
Igor responds, "I'm not sure, but I have a hunch."
So i got her some diet pills.
It was Othello… and then Othgoodbye.
I should have never left them in the same box as the bishops.
I said, "I don't think it's that kind of book."
A priest, a pastor and a rabbi walk into a bar and soon begin arguing over who’s the best at what they do. Eventually they decide that in order to prove who’s the best, they would all go out alone into the woods and convert a bear to their respective religion. A few weeks later.. they meet up at the bar and the priest announces, "I found a bear by the river and started talking to him about the Lord. He liked it so much that he now comes to mass every week." The pastor says, "Well, I saw a bear in the clearing. I started reading him the bible and he loved it so much that he is now going to be baptized in about a week." The priest and the pastor turn to look at the rabbi, who now has a broken arm, a fractured collarbone and several cuts and bruises. The rabbi says, "You know what, looking back, maybe I shouldn't have started with a circumcision."
They’ve been ‘round a long time.
She was filthy and smelled awful but I knew under all the grime there was a pretty girl. So I took her in and bathed her and as I towelled her down I became aroused. One thing led to another and next minute we were frantically fucking on the bathroom floor. At one point I was banging her so hard you'd have sworn she was still alive
You have my Word!
Step 1, Step 2, Step 3, Step 6, Step 12
He told me to give her a handjob.
One’s a Coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis
With a whole profession built around copy and pasting stack overflow it only makes sense you guys would copy and paste the same jokes over and over again