Have you ever tried eating a clock?
It's really time consuming. Especially if you go for seconds.
It's the little things that count!
Or at least that's what I read in her diary
A bush-pilot drops Bob and Ted, two moose hunters, at a remote lake in Northern Ontario. He tells them that he’ll be back in a week, and warns them that his plane won’t be able to take off with more than one moose. The next week he returns, and sure enough the hunters have bagged two moose. The pilot tells them there’s no way they can take off with the two moose. Ted says, “I don’t know, the pilot last year took off with two moose.” To which Bob adds, “Yeah, but maybe he wasn’t a total pussy!” Not wanting to be outdone, the pilot loads up everything and they start to move down the lake. The plane is gathering speed, but the pines on the shore are rapidly approaching. Finally the plane gets airborne, but one wing clips the top of a tree. The plane spins, crashes into the trees, and breaks apart. Sometime later Ted regains consciousness and begins searching for his buddy. He finds him, and when he wakes him up Bob asks, “Do you have any idea where we are?” Ted replies, “I think about 200 yards further than last year.”
“Fine, how much to acquire a singing ensemble?”
Clothes, but no cigar.
it had a bad pilot
It confuses me and I’m pretty sure it’s all the same.
Because it had a stable economy.
A lot of black people would try to mug me
We were maid for each other.
The bartender replies "For you? No charge."
It's always hard to act surprised
…before it cinq. "Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence. "Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres. "One," radioed the British ship before it went two. "Won," radioed the American sub.
Then she ripped it in half and said, “Never mind, it’s tearable.” I feel like I’ve succeeded as a dad.
I know, it sounds a little far fetched.
I'm sorry, that wasnt very knife.
You will have the rest of your life to try and fix it.
You ever wonder if the reason Star Wars movies came out the order they came out was because Yoda was in charge of the release dates?
That slaps people who lie, and be decides to try it out on his son during dinner. “Where were you during school hours?” He asks. “At school!” His son replies. The robot slaps the boy. “Ok I was at my friends house….” His son says. “What were you doing there? “Reading comics!” The robot slaps the son again. “Ok ok!! We were watching an erotic movie…” “What?? I didn’t even know erotic movies existed when I was your age!” The dad exclaims. The robot quickly slaps him. His wife laughs and says, “Wow, he really IS your son-“ The robot slaps the wife.
Because of the telly ban
He slapped my hand away. Turns out he wasn't born yesterday.
That one came right out of the orange.
She fits in your wife’s clothes
When I was a kid, I told my mother I wanted to be a drummer in a rock and roll band when I grew up and she said…
"Well honey, you can't do both."
Pun in, ten dead.
I went to return it and they gave me another one free of charge.
He's alright now