Having gay parents must be horrible
I mean you either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck into infinite loop of “go ask your mom”.
No shock: He was grounded
I sleep in the dark.
When I rubbed it a Genie popped out. Genie: You have released me from my prison, in return I shall grant you three wishes. Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way won't it? Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does. Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth. Genie: You son of a ……..
Bobby: I is… Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is". Bobby: I am the 9th letter of the alphabet.
Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember. Because elephants never forget
It’s just a curd to me.
Which takes the total number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
I told her to give me some time to think about it and I would call her back. Before I called her back my aunt called, told me that my cousin was lying and not to give her the money. She goes on to say that the real reason my cousin wanted the £300.00 was to get her boyfriend out of jail so she “could be under the same roof as him for his birthday”. I was mad when I heard that, but I thought about it for a minute …decided to give her the £300.00 because we all need help at times. So, I called my cousin told her to come get the money. A couple of hours later, I get a call from the Correctional Facility. It was my cousin crying, screaming & asking why I gave her counterfeit money. My response…so you and your boyfriend could be under the same roof for his birthday!
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The bartender asks them: "Do all three of you want beer?" The first one said: "I don't know." The second also said: "I don't know." The third one said: "Yes."
Dad: Stairs don't talk
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with shaky teeth
A four-chin teller.
They run a shady buisness
Sorry, we don’t do that round hair.
A hooker can wash her crack and use it again.
I will find you, you have my word
Because with great power comes great response ability.
Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain…
In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support…
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But you know how the saying goes.
That should make the cremation a little more interesting…
People cancel everything and rearrange their entire lives just for three inches coming fast.
For instance, my name, address, and telephone number!
Turns out he wasn’t born yesterday.
An amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" A professional thief says, "Sign here please."
It was a waist of time.