Having the internet turn your protest into a meme
My girlfriend is a star on pornhub.
And she'll kill me if she finds out.
Son: Where were you born, Dad?
Dad: In the US Son: Which part? Dad: What "which part", my whole body was born in the US
What do an English teacher and a Coder have in common?
They're both pro-grammars
Why did the mods of r/iamatotalpieceofshit cross the road?
To collect money from Joel Michael Singer.
Classic joke for our Muslim friends today
There were two white christian men, John and Mike, whose plane crashed into a desert. Luckily they survived unharmed. As they traveled through the hot desert looking for food and water, they gave up and sat down, thinking of what to do. As the dust in the air settled, they suddenly could view a mosque ahead. They became very hopeful. But then John said ''Muslims are there. They might help us if we say we are Muslim.'' Then Mike said ''No way, I won't say I'm Muslim, I'm gonna be honest''. So John and Mike went to the Mosque ahead and were greeted by an Arab Muslim, who asked what their names were. John thought of a Muslim name and said, 'My name is Muhammad'. And Mike said 'My name is Mike'. The Arab man said 'Hello Mike.' And told these other men to take Mike and give him food and drink. Then he turned to John and said, 'Salaam Muhammad. Ramadan Mubarak! (Hello Muhammad, Happy Ramadan)
Why do my jokes never land?
They go too far above your head.
Did you know you can tell if an ant is a boy or a girl by dropping it in water?
If it sinks it's a girl ant If it floats it's boy ant
Wow, I just passed my probability exam.
What were the chances of that?
A gorilla walks into a bar
A gorilla goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, "What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink." So he mixes the martini. He then walks back over to the give it to the gorilla, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Well, now the bartender is just at a loss for words. He can't believe that a gorilla walked into his bar, ordered a martini, and then actually had a twenty-dollar bill to pay for it. So, in amazement, he takes the twenty and walks to the cash register to make the change. While he's standing in front of the cash register he stops for a second and thinks to himself, "Let me try something here and see if the gorilla notices anything." So he walks back over to the gorilla and hands him a dollar change. The gorilla doesn't say anything, he just sits there sipping the martini. After a few minutes the bartender just can't take it anymore. "You know," he says to the gorilla, "we don't get too many gorillas in here." And the gorilla says, "At nineteen dollars a drink I'm not surprised."
When wearing a bikini, women reveals 96% of their body.
But the men are so polite, they only look at the covered parts.
Mona Lisa was framed.
Then they hung her.
Having student loans is like being in a shitty marriage.
They fuck you once a month for 25 years, they make you feel guilty about every dollar you spend, and you spend an unhealthy amount of time wondering if you could fake your death to get out of the whole arrangement.
I used to smoke weed and go to the class…
sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. Slink down low at my desk. Pray to God nobody asked me any questions. I was the best teacher ever.
My struggle with steroid addiction…
…has only made me stronger.
Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?
The p is silent.
We all know where the Big Apple is…
But does anyone know where the Minneapolis Edit: some of us don't spend our lives on r/jokes and as such don't realise things are reposts.
I once saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg
I asked him: "I bet i could guess your favourite holiday" He Replied: "Have to love Easter, baby."
I know someone who talks like an owl
No text found
The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
My Grandad always said, “As one door closes, another one opens.”
Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.
What do you call it when Batman skips church ?
Christian Bale
Where do Captain Hook and Darth Vader shop?
The second hand store.
I used to have a dog with no legs named “Cigarette”
And every now and again I would take him out for a drag.
How much sperm does a gay guy have?
A buttload
![[O]f [C]ourse](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/0taecne88fh41-400x318.png)
A homosexual, a con artist and a child molester walk into a bar.
"What can I get you, father," asks the bartender.
The ground floor of buildings are really terrible.
The next floor, however, is a different story.
I got a pet newt, and I named him Tiny
Because he's my newt
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood drive.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type O."
Is it true ? I think it’s the temp of the surface of the sun ? What do you think?
https://ift.tt/2LuHVby
What’s the opposite of sad pie night?
No text found
This guy is sitting in a bar when this beautiful super model walks in.
So after a few minutes, the guy walks over to her. He leans in and whispers in her ear " Hey can I smell your pussy?" The girl is irate, and she screams at him "What is wrong with you?! That's disgusting! How could you say that?!! NO! You cannot smell my pussy!!!" and the guy says " oh, well I guess it's your feet."
Narnia was a really progressive film
Most of the main characters came out of the closet
“OMG, what’s going on? I can see through you.”
"My son told me he is transgender." "So?" "That makes me transparent."
