HE FINALLY ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING OBAMA COULDN’T
you could say you are… Independant
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It causes the microphones to rust.
It was oddly sharp
“Orchids?” asks the florist “No, just the flowers” he replied
The 5th grader from Alabama, because he’s 18 years old.
When I was a young man in in Army Cadets, we had big ornamental robot that we called ‘old-iron-sides’ with a big brass bugle that would play all the calls to the troops. In the morning it would play ‘reveille’ to wake, ‘mess call’ for meals, ‘drill call’ to assemble in the square, etc. We all got so used to these queues that we relied to them to know what to do at each time of the day. Until one day iron robot was silent and everyone was disoriented, not knowing when to get up, go eat or start a drill. Finally, I went to ask my commanding officer why there were no calls. He said “He’s taking a vacation day”. So I guess it was the Ferrous Bugler's day off.
It’s not stroganoff.
First i find out im adopted, then I found out that both of my dads are gay.
There would be mass confusion.
I told her to get out of my fort.
A woman at a table a few feet away from me sneezed and her glass eye came out and I caught it. I handed it back to her and she popped it in and said thank you. She was a beautiful woman. Gorgeous face stunning body and a beautiful smile to boot. The woman of my dreams right in front of me. A few moments pass by and she comes up to me and asks for my number and I looked around the room. Surely she must’ve been mistaken. I said “ who me?!!!?” She said “yes of course you. I don’t usually do this kind of thing but you just sort of caught my eye.”
My illegal logging business is a success
[Unlock the punchline now for just 7.99!]
Never mind, you won’t get it.
A man is explaining to his coworker that he never realized how much his wife loved him until he was home sick from work the previous day.
“Really?” the coworker asks. “What showed you she really loved you?” “She was just really excited to have me around,” the man replied. “Like when the mailman and FedEx guy came to the door she shouted excitedly, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”
The Czech Republic
I think a train has just passed by here…. Why do you say that dad? Well look there,points….you can see it's tracks.
And ten out of thirty isn’t bad.
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
"2 or 3" she replied. Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.
"why are you asking for a pay rise?" asked the madam. "Because i iron better than you." answered the maid. Silently fuming, the madam asked, "who said that?" "your husband did." Silent fuming intensifies. A bit daring, the madam asked again, "is that all you have to say?" "i cook better than you, madam." "who said that?" "Your husband did." A sense of defeat and humiliation overflowed within madam, but she is still unwilling to admit defeat. "Is that all?" asked the madam hesitantly. "i have sex better than you, madam." coolly answered the maid. With a seething rage and trembling voice, the madam asked, "did my husband say that?" The maid answered, "no, the gardener did." "Oh, so how much do you want?"
So I turned on the air conditioning.
Imagine how surprised he must have been.
Then she plowed her bike straight into the cow.
Apparently, keeping it to yourself.
Good man. Got electrocuted every day though.
Now I've got two half punchers
If I never have to deal with another “custom CMS” ever again, it’ll be too soon… The latest one that’s been inflicted upon me, inspired me to make this meme:https://ift.tt/3fAGfuV
It really came out of the purple
Beat it. We’re closed
The ceremony wasnt much but the reception was amazing!