Hell yeah!

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?" Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine." The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely: "Are – my – test – results – back?"

"Not now," says Mummy. "Wait until Daddy gets home." So they wait until Daddy gets home, and then Mummy says "Now dear, what were you saying about Daddy and the strange lady?" And Daddy starts to say something but Mummy says, "You keep quiet – I'll be talking to my attorney in the morning. Carry on, dear." "Well," says the little girl, "Daddy told me to stay downstairs while they went upstairs, but I followed them without Daddy seeing me, and I saw them hugging and kissing at the top of the stairs. Then they went into your bedroom and shut the door, but I went up and looked through the keyhole." "Clever girl," purrs Mummy. "What could you see through the keyhole?" "I saw them hugging and kissing some more, and then they started to take each other's clothes off, and they carried on until they had nothing on, and then the lady got on the bed and Daddy got on top of her." "Yes?" says Mummy. "And then what happened?" "Then they did what you and Uncle Jack did when Daddy was in Vancouver last year," says the little girl confidently.

Install new lox.

The dry erase board is probably the most remarkable

As soon as we got him home, he made a bolt for the door

The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over. The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him. But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."

This post says otherwise

They’re free of charge if you’re interested.

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

it was dead

Can you imagine Hispanic?

“on what day will I die?” The fortune teller assured him that he would die on a Jewish holiday. “Why are you so sure of that?” demanded Hitler. “Any day”, she replied, “on which you die will be a Jewish holiday”.

Just because I refused to work on a Sundae!

Sign language

So, John decides to come up to me one day – out of the blue – and tries to up his status among the class by picking on the one kid that had no friends – again, me. “So, I saw your father yesterday.” This was curious. I knew my father was at work, so it was highly unlikely that John would have happened to cross paths. “You did?” I asked. “Did you see him… at work?” “Yes, I did,” John said, haughtily. “And I told him all the embarrassing things that you do in class.” What an odd way to phrase that, I thought. “Uh huh,” I said. “That’s odd, because he didn’t mention anything last night when he got home.” “Well, maybe that’s because he was so shocked by what I told him,” John said, doubling down. “Tell me, John,” I said, slowly. “Did you just run into him at work, or were you a patient?” John, obviously not expecting this question, answered. “I was a patient.” I nodded. “That’s interesting, John.” “Why?” “Because my father is a gynecologist.”

Because you can’t C in the dark

One of the old ladies had a stroke. The other two couldn't reach.

Light blue.

Guy goes to the pharmacy to buy a condom. His girlfriend told him she would not have sex with him unless he first met her family and has dinner with them. Pharmacist at counter: " just one condom? You sure?" Guy: "actually, my girlfriend's sister is pretty hot…lets make it two condoms." Pharmacist: "just two then? That's it?" Guy: "let's make it three. The mom is really hot too." That night he goes to dinner and her whole family is there. He sits at the table not saying a word, his face red as a tomato. His girlfriend takes him in the bedroom after they eat. Girlfriend: "what's wrong with you? You didn't say a word all night. Did something happen?" Guy: "no, I just didn't know your dad worked at the pharmacy."

who's there? The electrician to fix your doorbell

I told her this isn’t working out

All of their friends swear, but it's just never been their thing. But tomorrow is the day! They decide to have a sleepover so they can start swearing together. The morning comes and both boys wake up excitedly and head downstairs to breakfast. The mother asked her son "what would you like for breakfast?" Her son replies "I'll take some fruit loops bitch." The mother immediately smacks the kid upside the head and sends him back to his room. She turns to the boys friend and says "I'm so sorry you had to see that, what would you like for breakfast?" The boy looks a little scared a replies "I don't know, but definitely not fucking fruit loops."

You will get them VERY ANGRY

Chopin

It’s where I flip your MOM over.

Teacher: Billy if there are 5 birds on a fence and you shoot 1 how many birds are left? Billy: None the others would fly away at the sound of the gun. Teacher: The answer is 4 but I like the way you think. Billy: I have a question Miss. There are 3 women eating ice cream cones. 1 licking, 1 biting, and 1 sucking, which one is married? Teacher blushing, nervously answers “the one sucking.” Billy: The answer is the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you think.

No text found

Dragon 2: Dear, you know I hate canned food!

How? I took a day off

"What are you doing?" He asked. "I'm off to New York," she replies. "I hear prostitutes get paid $400 doing what I do to you for free." The husband begins packing his bags. "What are you doing?" asked the wife. "I'm coming with you," he said. "I wanna see how you live off $800 a year."

Turns out, Israel

It was the Best Western I’ve ever seen.