Because one more and they would get too farty
He really put his foot in his mouth.
I also have great luck with pistachios, cashews and almonds.
Who’s there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollin’ they hatin’
I said, “Don’t worry. We are all in the same boat.”
One. They are efficient and not very funny
A, B, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, & Z are all racists.. How do I know?
Because they're all not 'C's.
You wouldn’t believe it, that store was dead.
She can scream all she wants, she’s not getting my fucking umbrella
I did that but now I don’t know what to do with the letters
Wife: I have something I need to tell you, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m Dad. Wife: No you’re not.
After he climbed out he handed me the dog and said "here is ze dog, keep him varm and dry him off he vill be fine", I said "are you a vet?", He replied "vet? I'm fucking soaking!"
… because at the beginning, the announcer clearly said "Welcome to the 90-second Thanksgiving Day parade!"
Teacher: What’s the monomer of rubber? Me: Is it monobber?
A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. “Captain,” one of the passenger asks, “who is that man over there?”
"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."
You could say he was bread for the job.
A lovely man. A terrible cabinet maker.
Yoda:”Off course, we are.”
That’s how you know they’re a keeper.
Currently staying at a hotel with my dad. Next to the parking lot there’s a sign that says “pet grounds”, pointing to where you can walk your dog. My dad reads it aloud, “pet grounds”, so I say “alright then”. I crouched down, pet the grass a little bit and said, “good grounds”. Got a good laugh out of it.
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It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it.
Her name was Wendy and i had it done when I was hard and now you can only see W and Y when soft. One day I was on holiday in Jamaica, using the restroom I noticed a Jamaican man with the same WY tattoo. I asked if he had Wendy tattooed on his penis aswell. He replied: "nah bro it says, Welcome to Jamaica and have a nice day"
I guess all the good chemistry puns argon.
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
It was very time consuming. Especially when I went back for seconds.
"Like a boycott?" "Don't you start"
A four-chin teller.
My father was ill and the doctor said he had only one day left to live. I was truly sad and was walking outside when I saw a wishing well. Taking my chances I threw in a quarter and wished his life would be extended. A r/jokes mod genie appeared out of the well and said " I hear your wish my son, and for everyday there is a new, fresh joke posted on r/jokes, your father will be granted another full week of life." His funeral is this Saturday.
“You’re much bigger than that.”
I asked little Johnny why he started doing so well in math after we sent him to the Christian school.
He said he didn't want to end up like the guy they nailed to the plus sign.
Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, “My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!” The bartender inquired, “What makes you say that?”
“Last week,” Bill explained, “I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He is a web designer.
It sounds so much more macho than, "I am an average person."
The police verdict? Hummuscide.
Whereas the impeachment of Clinton was the legacy of his stain.
What a stupid old gti.
That would be a big step forward for me
“Hey, you wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?”
"What's the usual tip?" asked a customer. "Well," said Johnny, "this is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, I'd be doing great." "Is that so?" growled the customer. "In that case, here's twenty dollars." "Thanks. I'll put it in my college fund," Johnny said. "By the way, what are you studying?" asked the customer. "Applied psychology." – Edit: This is not my joke
"Nice Jimmy Choo."